Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Not what I was gonna say
I sat down to write about something else. I had some thoughts about Christmas and how we rightly prioritize telling the "story of Jesus" to our kids, but how He then gets contained to being a character in a story instead of being described as a real, living, person who wants us every day. I have a post about this I need to write.
But I totally got hijacked in my heart.
Ann did it. She has this blog where she hijacks me alot, alot. Her words are crazy, what they can do.
And I just read this post of hers which happens to be on words, and our responsibility to them.
I am stopped in my tracks right now because she echoes a prayer in me that runs so deeply, I cannot ever escape it. I have this thing with words. They are my blessing and my curse. My use of them is, at different times, both the source of my greatest fulfillment and my deepest shame, depending on how I use them. Or rather, who's in charge of them. And so that deep-running prayer is more than that; it's a plea for God to grow me in such a way that I build others up, instead of tear them down.
God's words: “When you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people need—words that will help others become stronger.“ Ephesians 4:29 (NCV)
Ann's words: Mamas make strong.
I read all these words - for heaven's sake, read the post - and my heart is beating the familiar rhythm of my plea.
My words: Please Lord, help me make strong.
It's not Please Lord, help me be strong. I want to make (others) strong.
A whole lot of thoughts are circling about how it happens, the making strong, as a mother and as a woman. So many pieces are in that puzzle. But I do know it is impossible to do alone. I need Jesus for this, helping guide and shape my words. I need friends for this, influencing my vision, offering grace. And first I need to realize that I need so much more than I am.
I'm not talking about an endless striving to be better and more, which is the instinct we women have to fight against. I'm talking about giving up the illusion that we are self-sufficient. Surrendering the burden we place on ourselves to keep everything smooth. The opposite of striving, really. And letting Him in to be the Word.
Ann reminds me of the scripture: the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. This is what Christmas means, and from the beginning, Jesus was called the Word.
The Word nurtures and fills and breathes into me everything I need, when I let Him, and only then do I have words to make strong. But if I am deluded into thinking I can run on yesterday's strength, I better keep my mouth (and my keyboard) shut. Because I believe this:
(more of Ann's words, from her profile page:) The only words that really matter are the ones I live.