For when God is hard to hear

Today God and I had a date, and I felt a little stood up.

I was to start to work on something and I needed His guidance. I needed to know where to begin. 

But though I was trying to listen, I struggled to hear Him, and the more I struggled, the more anxiety I felt about not hearing. It built, over an hour of me questioning myself and Him and flipping through my Bible to find that nothing was speaking. I wasn't hearing anything but the horribly loud tractors outside my window, building a new house. But no clear guidance came, and I finally noticed that I felt nervous and afraid.

It's interesting the way I can behave totally contrary to what I know to be true sometimes.

I was totally behaving as if God's plans are hard to find out. As if He has buried his will for me somewhere in the sand along a beach and the burden is on me to find this buried treasure without a map. If that were true about God, then my fear and anxiety would be appropriate. What if I don't find it? What if I miss my opportunities? What if I invest my time and energy into something that is not what He wants? If God were sneaky and withholding and secretive, well I better worry. (Isn't it easy to behave as if He is? As if He wants us to sweat something out of Him?)

But He's not secretive and withholding. He's loving and faithful every minute of every day. His character is the exact opposite of withholding. He's generous beyond description. He's giddy with delight when His kids come asking for direction. Would He ever deny me the guidance I need? Never. That kind of denial is not only against what the Bible says, but it's also against what I have actually experienced. I can personally testify to His faithfulness. That's what I believe. He is faithful to lead me when and where He wants me to go. His yoke is easy, His burden is light. His guidance is clear.

The only time His guidance is NOT clear is when He is not yet ready to give it, and when I behave like an impatient child. How fear-ravaged our hearts can become when we are not willing to wait, be still, and surrender our agendas.

I teach my kids that God always answers us one of three ways: Yes, No, or Wait. And the 'wait' answer is a stretching one, painful like holding a yoga pose that pulls against your will to relax and find a more comfortable position.

But since I answer to God and not the other way around, I'll hold the stretch, thought it stings.

Lord, my times are in your hands. I'm ready and waiting. When you call, I'll move.

Let that be our prayer today.