Grace on a Thursday: in my husband's words (mostly)

{This post is the first of a few where I share something BIG that is going on in our lives at the moment. My husband has courageously stepped out in faith to do something that I swear only he and God together would ever even think of. On Monday, I'll be able to share about this adventure in full. This cute picture of us was taken on a recent trip. It too was an important piece of what's been going on. But for today, I wanted you to hear his heart. I'm in awe of the way God is writing his story right now. There is so much grace throughout it. Please show Kevin some love, friends - but not too much 'cause he's mine.}

Learning Grace for the Least of These

I grew up with a neighbor who was mentally disabled. To tell you the truth, for most of that time I didn’t really see him beyond his disability. And I think a lot of people respond to disability that way. It’s uncomfortable to see someone struggle with something that comes naturally to you. When we connect with someone, we have a tendency to look for common ground with him or her. So I guess you could say that for a long time, I sort of unintentionally marginalized him in light of his limitations.

When I got older and more serious about my faith, probably just after high school, I started befriending him. We made a plan that on the first Sunday of every month, we’d go to church and then we’d go to Tim Tom’s for burgers. Sometimes I’d feel embarrassed because at church, he’d always want to sit near the front. He couldn’t carry a tune at all, but was by far the loudest singer.

After lunch, it was our tradition to go to the swap meet. My friend and I would walk around the entire place, but he would be most excited about the guy who sold pencils. The vendor sold not just regular #2 pencils, but a wide variety of pencils with colorful designs. They were ten for a dollar, and my friend would spend a ton of time choosing the perfect ones.

It was during those afternoons that I started seeing him not for his obvious disability but for his incredible heart. He found pure joy in the simplest of things. It was during those afternoons that I started to see ways that I was far more disabled than he.

That was twenty years ago. But for some reason, recently, God brought these memories back to me in a powerful way. He reminded me that he has inclined my heart to the disabled, and wants to use that.

So I’ve embarked on a big adventure. There are God-sized goals and plans in place. Leslie and I recently went on a trip to Oregon to develop these plans further and to help make a video that communicates the heart of these plans. On Monday, Leslie will share it all with you in full. We are humbled and excited about what God will do to multiply our efforts, and we know many disabled children and their families will be changed, supported, and loved through them. Grace is always and first for the least of these.

I’ll close with an excerpt from Wrestling With an Angel: A Story of Love, Disability and the Lessons of Grace by Greg Lucas. Mr. Lucas is a father of a special needs child.

I hear religious-minded people say all the time with good intentions, “God will never place a burden on you so heavy that you cannot carry it.”


Really?


My experience is that God will place a burden on you so heavy that you cannot possibly carry it alone. He will break your back and your will. He will buckle your legs until you fall flat beneath the crushing weight of your load. All the while He will walk beside you waiting for you to come to the point where you must depend on Him.


“My power is made perfect in your weakness,” He says, as we strain under our burden.


Whatever the burden, it might indeed get worse, but I know this—God is faithful. And while we change and get old, He does not. When we get weaker, He remains strong. And in our weakness and humility, He offers us true, lasting, transforming, and undeserved grace.


It is this grace that enables us to do more than survive in this world. Grace enables us to thrive in the presence of this world’s sufferings while magnifying the One who breaks us with affliction—that He might equip us with comfort, compassion, and strength to give to others.

It's never quiet in my head

The other day, we were in the car, and out of the blue, my husband asked me, "Is there ever a time where you are not thinking about something?" I quickly said, "No." Because it's never quiet in my head. He said that sounded like a nightmare. Okay. Well, it's where I live.

And I think that's why I can't decide what to blog about at the moment. So many good options are swirling. (Here comes list #1)

The Star Wars makeover in my son's room.
Parenting issues that I want to ask you all about.
My thoughts on my new phone, how it's interfering with my life and also really fun.
My love/hate relationship with the XBox we got for Christmas.
The new linky I want to start on thankfulness to close out each month.
My 2 year blogaversary which is like in a day or two (or maybe I missed it already).
The fact that I really wanted to link up with Erin and Ashley today with a vlog but my voice is hoarse from a cold, and I forgot about it.
My thoughts on words and love and Valentine's Day that I had as I washed out the dinner dishes tonight.

So I'm picking none of the above because it feels overwhelming, and I'm going to give you a little taste of other random stuff that fits in none of those categories, but is worth sharing. (Here comes list #2)

Did you watch this vlog by my bestie Shauna? She is the bomb at the No Heat Curls. You need to try it like yesterday.

Here is me waiting for that magic to happen.

I wanted a set of these Valentine placemats at Pottery Barn Kids, but they were pricey for thin pieces of printed foam. Mmm hmm. So my smartie mom suggested I buy only two and make two more to match. Yesss, good idea mommy. I traced one of the hearts onto double layers of heavy red ticking stripe fabric I already had, and top stitched them together after sticking some red lace in between the layers. It took minutes.

Also, look at this picture. I love it. My husband brings praise into our home. (And I'm guessing he's able to because it's not so noisy in his head and so he can make room for something so beautiful even at the end of the night.) Thank you husband. I love that my kids have this.

And here's something I need to share. That I don't want to share. Guacamole, that is.

And after feeling resentful that the cup was so small and I'd have to give most of it to my kids, I made the executive decision to BUY MYSELF another one. I guess I've never considered it before because guacamole is not cheap. But my perspective changed. Paying nearly $2.00 for guacamole is pricey. But paying nearly $2.00 for a happier heart after a day of parenting by myself and managing a child who started to cry because the choice of restaurant was Chipotle ("It's my most hated one!" = news to me, but we were already there, hungry, and tired) IS A STEAL, I tell you!

Moral of the story: Free yourself. Get your own. Because I know you mommies. I am one. It is not easy to share every single thing with our children, without complaining, including our own bodies. Daily. You deserve your own guacamole. 

Finally, this is my kids' new favorite thing to watch over and over. The Ewok dog is a hit at our house. As is anything affiliated with Ewoks.

Hope you're having a great day today.

On being an encouraging wife

Frankly, I don't feel very good at being an encouraging wife. It's not for lack of trying. It's just that sometimes I see that my words don't actually achieve what I set them out to do. Instead, they come across as something else, which is discouraging for both my husband and I.

I think I make the mistake of trying to encourage my husband in the way I want to be encouraged, which for me, means verbal affirmation, appreciation, or little loving notes (all things involving words). But I know that Kevin is often not as moved by words as he is by, for instance, actions on my part. In a way, encouraging someone begins to involve an understanding of that person's love languages. And being loving doesn't always mean loving a person in the same way in which you want to be loved.

Since I didn't have much confidence in my encouragement expertise, I asked Kevin to share with me what makes him feel encouraged. And wow! He took my question very seriously and gave a very thoughtful answer. I think I'll butcher it if I paraphrase, so I'm going to excerpt it instead (he wrote it all down). Because these thoughts are pretty awesome. He wrote:

I think of encouragement in terms of validation. Validation encourages me. I need validation for 1) who I am, and 2) who God made me to be (which I may not be yet.) The latter type isn't always encouraging at first. Sometimes it's irritating, thought-provoking, enlightening, or simply a seed planted for later. The point is that encouragement can be instant or long-standing. One example of "who I am" instant encouragement is when you recognize and validate my need for alone time, and suggest I take time to myself. That is encouraging because it says, "I get you," and "I want to give you what you need." An example of long-standing encouragement is when you've said things like, "Thank you for working so hard so I can stay home with the kids." That encourages me to continue working hard, and it validates me in the way my hard work brings fruit to our family.

But the biggest thing you can do to encourage me - or anyone - is not what you say, but who you are. When you live your life for Christ, I am encouraged. Your faithful way of living might be irritating, thought-provoking, enlightening, or simply a seed planted for later. But I am encouraged in some way - period. 

Ideally, you can validate me for who I am in Christ, while encouraging me with your own walk in Christ. And ideally, we would be doing that for each other, in a Christ-centered marriage. Because that is where true encouragement comes from. It doesn't come from us and what we have to say to each other. It comes from Him and what the Spirit wants to use us for in each other's lives.

And that, my friends, is a far better explanation of true encouragement than I would have come up with!

I think the bottom line - my own take home message - is to tune in to the Holy Spirit's leading and help in being an encouragement. God knows what my husband needs in any given moment, even more than my husband himself does. In fact, when he is most needy, he is least able to express his needs to me. That is all the more reason for me to listen to the Lord. Sometimes I will need to encourage Kevin with words, sometimes with silence. Sometimes with a hug, or a night off, or an apology. And I won't have much at all to give unless I'm sticking close to Jesus. Isn't that the way it always is?

If the time is right, drum up the courage to ask your spouse what makes him or her feel encouraged. It may take some humility, but you may be surprised by the answer.

{Thanks, Jami, for this great new linky!!}

{Tomorrow, I'll be talking about how marriage and social media are not so much a match made in heaven.}