Super excited

I don't know if you noticed, but the other day I realized that the header photo of me above looks like I'm waiting outside of a prison. I'm not. I don't even know anyone in prison. I happen to be at the fish hatchery in Ventura county, one stop we made on our trip to Ojai last spring. (Tangent I can't resist: the fish hatchery is super cool. My parents took us there as kids every time we would drive up to Ventura or Channel Islands. Where else can you see thousands of rainbow trout swimming together? Plus you can feed them with fish food pellets dispensed from one of those candy machines where you drop in a quarter and twist. Who doesn't love those?)

Back to the photo situation. You may be asking yourself why I've used the photo of me at the fish hatchery for my blog header. Plainly, no good photos of me exist because I am the only one in my family who really takes any. That means I am usually not IN any, unless I ask to be, which results in semi-lame, posed pictures of someone else and me. Or fish and me (I cropped the fish out of the above). Not my favorite.

Today I'm super excited about the fact that my pal Shauna (as featured below) is becoming quite an amazing photographer and took some photos of me especially for my blog. Aren't I lucky? Just you wait. Very soon, this blog is going to jump up in coolness, and you'll feel even cooler just witnessing it. Did I mention I was super excited? So are the trout, see? OK, maybe I just threw them some pellets. But they are excited nonetheless.

Leaning in

This is my friend Shauna. Whenever we take photos together this is how it looks. I lean in, she leans out. We laugh about it and joke about how she has trouble bonding with others (but she doesn't, which is why it is funny). And yesterday was her birthday. I thought about the many ways I wanted to do things to show her how thankful I am for her, but my life got in the way. The only thing I did get to do was make my family sing the birthday song in unison on her voicemail. Creative, huh?

[ Well, my friend, you deserve more than that. So here is a little collection of things I would have brought you, if our fridge wasn't totally empty, and the kids were cooperating, and the explosion didn't happen inside my house. Ok, there was no explosion; it just looked like there was. It's a birthday collage for you. ]

















But besides all these treats, I wish there was a photo I could include to represent how thankful I am that she is my friend. The photo would capture how she is an example to me and others around her in so many ways. It would show how, even though she leans out of photos with me, she leans into life. I know she would not claim to be fearless or perfect. But through faith, she is able to lean into whatever challenge she is facing with strength and a resolution to learn from it.

Maybe you are facing something today that you are leaning away from. A relationship or a responsibility or a conflict. I am, and I'm sure if you don't have one in mind, one will come your way in a matter of hours. When we feel the resistance, maybe we can remember that there is a lesson waiting for us and a chance to grow. And maybe this time, we can choose to lean in, and watch what happens. Don't begin to think you can only lean in when you have things together. Because really leaning in means admitting you don't. It is about letting God into your insufficiency, and letting Him help you face what you don't want to face alone.

OK. Time to go face my day, leaning in and looking up.

My "40 days" contribution

About a month and a half ago, I blogged about committing to participate in blood:water mission's "40 Days of Water" challenge. I stopped purchasing all beverages (and chose water instead) for the 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter so that I could set aside the money I would have spent to pay for Africans to have fresh water. (See my post where I wrote about this here.)

I wanted to report that after adding up the savings, I was able to contribute $103.50 to this non-profit. Using their calculation, I will be providing 103 and 1/2 African people with clean water for 1 year. I like to think that the 1/2 person is just a small person. Maybe a child. With a name and a face and a thirst.

And I have to admit, I felt like a selfish, spoiled baby half the time when I wanted to buy myself an iced tea or something so badly. Well, I guess I didn't just feel like one. I am one. I can buy all kinds of things to eat and drink whenever I want to...and not just sustenance and water. I can buy indulgent, delicious, extra stuff. Ice cream trips with the kids. Uncountable numbers of Starbucks visits. In-N-Out when I don't have time to make dinner. I am so spoiled, and try to be so thankful for the many luxuries and pleasures my life affords.

I don't pretend to have any idea what it is like to have to fetch my family brown water in a jug. But I still care that someone has to. And that someone may be a 35 year old woman with two kids like I have, just born there and not here. It's my responsibility to know and to care and to love, in the small way that I can. In my otherwise insulated world, one very small commitment will make a very big difference to a few people. Even if it was just for that 1/2 person, it would have been worth it.

Under my skin

Once in a while, something I read gets under my skin and I can't shake it. Right now, it is the stuff contained in the book Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel. I know. The title isn't incredibly compelling, is it? A couple of trustworthy friends told me how great it was, and I am now one chapter from the end. At first it was just seeping into my parenting. But now I'm finding it is spilling into my entire life. I'm realizing that I've moved into a new paradigm, and one that is defined by a new understanding of grace. And that is really messing me up.

Though the concept of grace seems simple, I think it is likely the most misunderstood concept in Christianity. It can simply be defined as "getting what you don't deserve," but even that definition remains an intellectual one. We really can't wrap our minds around the grace that gives us a fresh start every morning, the grace that bears with our every vulnerability, the grace that died in our place. God is the best at grace, and this book repeatedly returns to the point that we need to parent like He parents us.

The thing is, I thought I was a gracious parent. I thought I understood what grace meant. I thought a lot of things. And this book had such an impact on me that I can only conclude that I thought wrong. On the cover of the book, right under the title in smaller print, it says the words, "Set your family free." Kind of a curious addition, I first thought. Free from what? Well, now that I've read it, I have some ideas of things my children need freedom from. Let me just list a few and see, if by chance, your kids need freedom in any of these areas too.

My kids need to be able to live lives free from those rules and regulations I impose which are based solely upon my fears of our "culture". My kids need freedom from my selfish agenda for my day (or for their lives). My kids need freedom from my biases and preferences for some of their personality quirks over others (ie. I love that my daughter is so creative, but go crazy over how slow she is). My kids need freedom from my discomfort with their weaknesses, mood swings, idiosyncrasies, and their complaints about me. I could go on!

Here's the line that's messed me up the most. When facing our own parenting approaches, the book repeatedly asks the reader to ask the question, "Is this how God treats us?" A lot of times, I had to face the fact that the answer was "No. No, it's not." In many cases, I realized I was way harder on my kids (and on myself) than God is on His children. I know some incredibly well-meaning, intentional parents who believe they are right on track with what is popularly seen as "Christian" parenting, and where grace is all but absent in their homes.

Because of this darn book, my eyes are opening to the lack of grace more and more. I'm feeling a deep heart break for these kids, and my own, due to my lack of grace for them up until now. I also realize that if I'm ever going to grow in grace as a person, it has to start with giving grace to myself. I blame you, Tim Kimmel, for turning my program upside-down. Well, it's God's doing, really. And I can't blame God. I can only pray with my whole heart that I will be able to generously pour onto my children some of the lavish grace He's given to me. In my weakness and vulnerability. In my quirkiness. In my mood swings. In my complaining. Every day, I am the child who needs grace, and I'm so thankful that I always, always have it.

"The real test of a parenting model is how well equipped the children are to move into adulthood as vital members of the human race. Notice I didn't say "as vital members of the Christian community." We need to have kids that can be sent off to the most hostile universities, toil in the greediest work environments, and raise their families in the most hedonistic communities and yet not be the least bit intimidated by their surroundings. Furthermore, they need to be engaged in the lives of people in their culture, gracefully representing Christ's love inside their desperate surroundings. "

Grace Based Parenting, by Tim Kimmel

Shout out for Stuff Christians Like

You don't really have to shout, literally. I might though.

SCL is a blog that I follow (see right column, under "These People Inspire Me"). It is written by a guy named Jon Acuff who basically loves to show the humor in a lot of things that Christians like or have come up with, most of which have nothing to do with God and what really matters. At times, Jon ties his humor into a larger lesson on life in a powerful way.

But not today.

Today, those of us who read his blog and also have a blog have the opportunity to take part in one of his satirical posts. The title is:

The “Is that contestant on American Idol a Christian?" Scorecard

I do this. I watch Idol and then try to guess who is winning because they are being prayed for by a mega church backing them somewhere in the U.S. Not really, but I have to admit I do get a little excited when a contestant says they led their youth choir at church, or sings "Jesus Take the Wheel" during the competition. It's a fun game and you should try it. Thankfully, Science (ie. Jon Acuff) has come up with a more accurate way to find out if your favorite contestant loves the Lord with all his/her heart.

Basically, you can score your favorite contestant by adding up points based on the answers to the questions on the scorecard.....each blog participating is posting one question. I was given this one:

103. The contestant somehow finds a way to slam the book, “Golden Compass” during one of their interviews = +3 points

To add up your score with over a 130 other ideas on this scorecard, visit stuffchristianslike.net.


And if you're in the mood for some seriously funny stuff, read Jon's words on:
Deep V-neck syndrome and Skipping parts of the Bible

If you'd just prefer the serious, try:
Thinking you're naked and Getting wrecked by these two words

Hope you enjoy!

Something beautiful

This picture is worth 1,000 screaming, boastful, malicious, rude, insensitive, foul, unkind, selfish words. And then some.

Thank you, Lord, for the surprise of Easter.

Jesus paying the price for our mistakes was the thing we least expected, and yet the thing we needed most.

Born for this

Lately I've been hearing a lot of people use the phrase, "I was born for this." It is usually during this person's reality show "look into the camera and answer questions" interview. You know the ones I mean. Someone is prompting them to say stuff, but you don't hear the questions, just the answers. These captivating interviews are a cornerstone of all reality shows, and were even featured on the Olympics. I heard the phrase uttered by an Olympic hopeful or a commentator a couple times back in February when the games were on. But more recently I've been hearing it on American Idol. A proud mom of a contestant is having her reality show interview (deserved by association, of course) and breathes, "My daughter was born for this."

I've decided it's an interesting phrase, mostly because these people seem so sure they are correct. "I was born for this" is certainly a statement of knowing one's purpose. And I can't think of anyone I know who is 100% certain of his or her life's purpose. I am sure only of the fact that I don't know the reason I was born. I can give you some theological answers - I was born to love God, and to love others. I can give you a description of the jobs I have - part of my purpose is clearly to be a good wife, mother, friend, etc. But what is the more specific reason I am on this earth in God's eyes? I don't know, because God is the one writing the story and He doesn't always let me in on the details.

You know where I'm going with this. It's Easter, for goodness sake. You think I'm going to say that Jesus was born to be our Savior. It's all too familiar. But this Easter, while reading the accounts in the Bible, I noticed that Jesus had his reality show interview too. You won't believe what He said. Minus the cameras, He is asked to explain himself, tell everyone why He is so special. It was kind of an informal trial after He is arrested, but here is a bit of the conversation (now, think first century reality show):

Then Pilate went back into the headquarters, summoned Jesus, and said to Him, "Are You the King of the Jews?"

Jesus answered, "Are you asking this on your own, or have others told you about Me?"

"I'm not a Jew, am I?" Pilate replied. "Your own nation and the chief priests handed You over to me. What have You done?"

"My kingdom is not of this world," said Jesus. "If My kingdom were of this world, My servants would fight, so that I wouldn't be handed over to the Jews. As it is, My kingdom does not have its origin here."

"You are a king then?" Pilate asked.

"You say that I'm a king," Jesus replied. "I was born for this, and I have come into the world for this: to testify to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth listens to My voice."

"What is truth?" said Pilate.

John 18:33-38

He totally said it. I read this a few days ago and had to read it over and over. Here is a man who truly knew His purpose! Jesus was born to tell us the truth. Think about it. He could have been born, lived a perfect life, been wrongly accused of something, and still died a martyr's death, effectively paying the price for our sins, without teaching us a single thing in the process. He could have been a silent lamb led to slaughter and still gotten the job done, in terms of saving mankind. But though dying for our sins was a definite part of Jesus' purpose, He was born to tell us the truth.

Pilate gives the same response many people give Jesus when faced with the truth. It is a stroke of dismissal: "But what is truth, anyway?" If you continue to read the account above in the Bible, you'll see that Pilate's statement is the final one in the conversation. After he utters it, he leaves the room. This philosophical argument is the quickest way to shut out Jesus and His purpose in our lives.

So these are the questions I'm pondering based on Jesus' interview: Am I "of the truth" from regularly listening to His voice? Or am I just coming up with my own ideas? Am I willfully shutting out truth in any area of my heart? Am I praying that God would lead me to His purposes for my life, and not just indulge in my own? Am I also sharing truth with others, as Jesus modeled? These are all questions with varying answers, depending on the day. But I am thinking. And asking. And praying.

The whole pre-crucifixion scene in the governor's quarters would make for a pretty crazy reality show. But I need the resurrected Lord and His truth to fill my life so badly that at the end of the day, I'm glad it was Jesus who got voted off.

[or how about this ending]

...I'm glad it was Barrabas who got the final rose.

[or what about]

...I'm glad to hear Pilate say: "King of the Jews? YOU'RE FIRED!"

[OK, I'll stop]