Leaving my nets

Christmas season always brings a mixed bag of emotions for me. But  feeling overwhelmed by the added responsibilities tends to eclipse the joy I really desire. So this week, I've been fighting. Analyzing what is stopping me from finding joy. Moving the pieces of the Christmas season puzzle around in my brain in case I can fit them together differently this year.

In the past, I've thought it was simply a calendar issue: if we can just say "no" to enough extras, we'll have time for joy. Though that's true to an extent, I suspected there was more going on.

Perhaps these symptoms of feeling overwhelmed, busy, demotivated, and burdened - let's call them the December Blues - are because I'm following the wrong thing. I'm asking myself who or what I'm following. Am I feeling guided by traditions (because "that's what we've always done"), my own new ideas, the culture's priorities, the sales, Pinterest, other bloggers? Or am I following Jesus and what He is guiding me toward right now, this December?

What does it even mean to follow hard after Him this season?

Today I thought a lot about the day when Jesus called a few fishermen, in the middle of their work, and said, "Follow me."

Mark records their response this way: "And immediately, they left their nets and followed Him." (Mark 1:18)

Some of the fishermen had been mending their nets, two brothers, James and John who worked for the family business. They too got up and "left their father in the boat." (Mark 1:20)

Let's not look at this scenario in a vacuum. We know a little about the way God works. He doesn't drop out of the sky into our lives and say "Follow me." He prepares the soil. He makes us uncomfortable, gives us vision and desire for more in our lives, He draws us deep down, usually way before He actually shows up. Put that knowledge into this scene with the first few disciples. Oblige me a little reading between the lines.

It's possible they wanted out. They were burnt. Each time they cast that net, something told them they were meant for more. The joy was gone. Their craving for change was at an all time high. Something had to give way. And along came Jesus on the beach. Their hearts nearly burst when he waved them over.  

"And immediately, they left their nets and followed Him."

Aggh! Can you imagine how purpose and fulfillment came flooding into their lives again? Being in the center of His will, walking with Him, was exactly where they were meant to be. They could have said, "But the nets need mending....can I follow you later? I'm in the middle of something really important." They could have followed their ideas of what was important, or thought their timing was superior. They could have sought the favor of the men around them instead of the favor of God. But they dropped it all. It was a big risk.

Walking away wasn't without a great cost. Do you think their father was cheering them on from the boat, or shouting that they were crazy? Or irresponsible? Or worse? Do you think they wrestled with doubt after receiving scorn from the community? They certainly lost their jobs. Following Jesus is never without some cost.

This account in Mark reminds me that being a disciple is inconvenient. It can confuse and hurt the people closest to you. And it requires total devotion. To live in joy and deep fulfillment, sometimes we have to walk away from something. We have to leave our nets and follow Him.

So back to Christmas. I haven't asked Jesus, yet, where all my "nets" are that I need to walk away from to follow Him this season. But one, certainly, is the way we have handled gift giving in the past. This year, my husband and I are walking away from some of our past traditions in that regard. We got uncomfortable. We lost joy. We had a vision for more. So we left some nets. And it's not completely smooth in our extended family. We seem a little crazy.

What I want is to follow Jesus into each day this December. Still asking for His agenda for my days. Choosing joy and a positive attitude instead of a tired one. Is it just me, or is it strange to feel like truly following Him EVEN AT CHRISTMASTIME is a fight?  So many things distract us from what really matters. Even good "spiritual" things. If I am yelling at my kids because we're late for volunteering at a church function, or rushing them through the day so we can have time for advent later, how much will that good thing really mean? It is a fine line between intentionality and just doing things because they are good ideas. And good ideas aren't necessarily God's ideas for me, for this moment, this year. I don't even really know what they are unless I ask Him.

As inconvenient or costly as it may be, I want to leave my nets when and where He calls me. That may mean I walk away from good ideas. Lower my expectations. Ruffle some feathers.

But I'll be with Jesus. Immanuel. God, who came down to be with us. The center of it all.

Being with Him is really all I want.

linking up with Amanda today here.

A busy bee in turquoise tights

That's what I've been lately. A busy little worker bee.

And one time, I wore turquoise tights. I felt a little like a character in the Wizard of Oz. But my daughter thought they were "cool" so I left them on. Crazy? Sorta.

I think they represent something about me, though. I love trying new things, in fashion, but especially in creating. Well, to me, fashion is a way I create and express myself. But working with my hands is another. And over the Thanksgiving break, I worked on lots of creations. I even learned how to knit! Actually, three out of the four of us learned how to knit.

To be fair, this guy learned first, by watching YouTube of course. We've had a set of round looms in our home for about a year, and none of us really got the hang of it until he paved the way. AND until we had the time to spend sitting, knitting, unravelling, and trying again, as we were spending four days at my in-laws' home.

I'm sure it doesn't surprise you that I love a creative man. He is not afraid to learn new ways of creating either. I think that's sorta hot.

The beanie he made for our little guy turned out so cool that I went to Joann Fabrics and bought this little rectangular loom for other non-round things. And I got 6 more skeins of yarn. {Everyone also learned the word "skein".} This loom was trickier than the round loom. I had to watch the YouTube tutorial several times, pausing it, knitting a bit, watching a bit more, etc., before I had a good start.

But then I got on a roll. It's therapeutic, really, repeating the same rhythmic row of stitches over and over. This scarf below was the third one I made, and also from yarn purchased on my second trip to Joann's.

Over the vacay, I spent a lot of time creating things for my etsy shop too. Lots of necklaces, earrings, and Christmas buntings from a beautiful vintage tablecloth I found in the back of an antique store while I was there. I've also been looking for months for an old church hymnal so I could use the pages of music in buntings. I finally found one, and have taken the few Christmas carol pages and added them to the Christmas buntings.

I made some new pendant necklaces with unique, vintage finds I've collected over the last month. The dancers are my favorite (there are 2 different ones). And I also love the dog pendant, and the special Empire State Building.

 I added some new vintage key necklaces, as well as some simpler designs after a couple people have requested necklaces without pendants. I had all kinds of amazing vintage beads to work with this time. And I made several new sets of earrings as well. I really love making each piece.

In case you're interested, I have a couple deals going on in my shop today, salvage517.

1. Get any Bunting, and get 20% off your whole purchase. Use BUNTING20

2. OR use NOVFREESHIP for free shipping on everything else 

I didn't want to inundate you all with salesy stuff...I'm personally already sick of all the marketing emails and promotions I'm seeing out there, but I did want to quietly let you know of my new things, in case you need gifts, or a treat for yourself to celebrate this happy season.

Have a great day, friends, and also don't forget that Friday is the end of the month, so I'll be hosting my monthly Thanks-living linky. We will link up and share the goodness we found to be thankful for this past month. Even the not-so-good often comes with something for which to say thanks.

Oh, and while we're on the subject, I'm thankful for you. Serious.

A Hollywood date {and #letsgetpraisy}

Last Monday, my man and I drove up to Hollywood to see my current favorite band, Mumford & Sons.

Oh goodness, it was epic.

Not only was the setting so iconic - the Hollywood Bowl - the music and the atmosphere on a chilly fall night was simply perfect. Someone asked me the other day what my favorite part was and I sat there unable to find an answer. Every minute was my favorite part.

And I couldn't stop taking pictures of the Bowl. It is so beautiful, and it had been years since I'd been there.

There were these cool giant circle mirrors in the bathroom. This is what I wore. A vintage wool calf length skirt with my favorite boots and a turquoise sweater from H & M. Sorta boring, but warm. I flat-ironed my hair for the first time in years. I forgot how much I liked it super straight. I've been so into the no-heat curls look for a while...

There were no good pics of the hubs and I. It was a little difficult to get a good one in the dark, and as we were literally shoulder to shoulder with strangers on both sides of us. But isn't this place so pretty?  

Sorry you can't see much of the boys. I watched a lot of the concert up close and personal with my binoculars. Look below at everyone's phones.



After the show, and after I regained my composure from swooning, we took a shuttle back to our parking lot. I had to snap this picture because we were the last ones to make it on the bus, and I am standing at the shoulder of the driver, gripping onto the railing overhead. Look at how close my body is to the giant windows! Sorta scary. Especially since Hollywood was still hopping at midnight.

My souvenir. I've worn it a lot in the last 7 days. I'm not ashamed.

So like right after that, Jami Nato started this little game on the social networks using the hashtag #letsgetpraisy. It's all about finding the gospel in music (well, music that is not already trying to preach the gospel). And you know that's already where I live in my head, so it was a game I had to play.

I posted two on Instagram from my beloved Mumford & Sons. Their lyrics make it so easy. So many spiritual references. And then I posted two others, one of which I wrote about here a couple weeks ago. 'Cause I sometimes hear these kinds of things anyways...Jesus speaking through something surprising.

If you are on Instagram, look up that hashtag. There are nearly 200 posts of people hearing the gospel all around them. It's actually really blessed me to read the new ones every couple days.

Open your ears to the music this week. All of it. The hunger for truth is out there, reverberating in every soul. Some artists are spreading truth without even realizing it.

And sometimes, what was meant for evil is being used for good. So glad Jami Nato is spreading the good.

{Check out the #letsgetpraisy linky on her blog today}

Leaves of Thanks

It was a really casual night.

We had pizza and I put on a shirt I may have worn three times this week. Not for whole days though. (The shirt wearing was in memoriam of an epic night last weekend, but that is for another post.)

Our best family moments are usually unplanned. They are squeezed in. Afterthoughts, based on what seems efficient at the time.

That's how the leaves started tonight. I thought, "Wait, we're all sitting here at the same time, with no school tomorrow so the kids can stay up a few minutes later. I can squeeze it in." So I acted. For fear of someone straying from the dinner table, I quickly grabbed the stack of leaves I bought at the craft store, pushed one thumb through the plastic wrapping, and seized three black Sharpies from my desk with the other hand. A quick rummage in a drawer produced a fourth. I spilled the leaves onto the table and passed out the pens. I said, "Hey, I have a little activity for us. Let's write what we're thankful for on these leaves, both sides, and then I will punch holes and string them up."

Well, here it is in photos. It was really quite fun. Every person was feverishly writing, not only because it was fun, but also because each of us suspected the other three people were hogging all the leaves. While I was tempted to divide them up evenly, like I said, it was a casual night and it just wasn't the time for counting.

But it was the time for laughing. My husband's first leaf said "jalapeno cheese bagels." When I said with a smile, "Hey, be SERIOUS," he said with hilarious intensity, "I AM!" And I knew he was indeed thankful for those bagels.

It was a beautiful time of gratitude.

My littlest guy's first thought was to list the fruits of the spirit on his leaves. (sigh.)

Um, this guy cracks us up everyday. Let's not discuss the footnote on leaf 4.

My girl had a giant, beautiful smile on her face the whole time, and I love everything she came up with.

My husband came up with everything near and dear to his heart. It was so sweet to see his simple passions written out. Good food. Good surf. The wild. Oh, and me (blush).

And as for me, well, no one else really cared about what I was writing because they were into their own leaves and they weren't the ones holding the camera. But. I was having my own moment with the Lord, wondering how I could fit Him and all He is to me on those leaves. I think many of them basically say the same thing. Love. Jesus. Freedom. Second chances. Immanuel (my favorite name of God). It brought a secret tear to my eye.

My first leaf below, by the way, says "adventure & change." That is a gratefulness in progress. That is a leaf I'm always striving to be thankful for. I want to be MORE thankful for the wild adventure that is my life and my walk with God. But I'm sometimes scared instead. It's a struggle to thank Him for a story when it is not yet finished being written. But it's still going on the leaf.

Have a great weekend.

I hope you find some leaves of thanks falling, settling all around you..

For when it feels hard to hold onto God

I have that syndrome where I start to think trying my best is how to stay connected to God.

A lot of people, books, church services, blog posts confirm that I just need to try harder. A bunch of those posts are my own, where I encourage us (myself included) to step up our game, spiritually. Memorize scripture. Open our ears and not just talk at God. Be prepared to share truth with those He puts in our lives. All good things.

But I start to think that's what it's all about. Like a spiritual Hokey Pokey. You do this, and you do that, and you shake it all about. That's how it works. I try really hard, therefore God and I get closer.

Church this past weekend had us evaluating where in our lives we need to be "relentless." Is it taking in God's word? Is it prayer? In other words, where in your life do you need to try harder?

And tonight, during a prayer time, God spoke to me about this. Yes, of course. Prayer, studying God's word, and teaching others are all good things that I should pursue with passion and intentionality. And I do. I try my best, but my version of relentless sort of stinks since I'm so annoyingly imperfect.

What I realized tonight is that God wins at relentless.

He is the one who relentlessly chases me. Not the other way around.

At church, we were talking about metaphorically being in the wilderness, those times where we find ourselves in trials, or just plain struggling to find our way. God sometimes places us in the wilderness. But I also considered the fact that we can run there, fleeing a problem in despair or panic, and it's not at all what God wants.

Yet even then, in His great kindness, He chases us.

He chased Hagar, who brought her son and herself to death's door by fleeing her trials and running to the wilderness. God said, "Hagar. WHAT are you doing? Go back. I'm with you." When she thought herself invisible, God said, "I see you." He tracks down even the best of runners. There is nowhere you can run to that God will not also go.

I fear we get so used to this notion of God being love that we forget He is also a hurricane. A lion. Has a voice like thunder and a will of steel. He is relentlessly in love with us, and His love is unstoppable.

He stalks the teenager who has fallen away from Him and thinks she can live life on her own.

He hunts down the brokenhearted. He finds even the best of hiders.

He burdens the overwhelmed mom until she opens her hands, surrenders control, and asks Him for help.

He disciplines the rebellious and the prideful, awaiting their return with open arms.

He allows trials to come in a seemingly unending series of waves, as he follows hard after us, wanting our whole hearts.

In The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, by C.S. Lewis, before the children meet Aslan (the Lion who represents Jesus in the story), they are wary of meeting a lion face to face. They ask a friend, "Is he safe?" The friend replies, "No, of course he's not safe. But he is good." 

Very well put, isn't it? Our God is anything but safe from our human point of view. He is unpredictable, counter-culture, radical, and relentless. Thankfully, He is also good and His goodness pervades all he does.

I suspect I start to think I'm in charge of my relationship with the Lord because of how I perceive it's origin; when giving my testimony, I talk about when I chose to invite Jesus into my heart, as if it were my clever idea that we get together in the first place. I forget that He invited me. The Bible says that we love because He first loved us.

We didn't choose Him. He chose us. The only thing I did was accept His invitation.

One of the most important things you can ever understand about God is that your love relationship was His idea, and that He will pursue you, chase after you, and stalk you with his invitation until you accept. Some people never do. I've heard it said that a person will either accept Jesus or stumble over Him his or her whole life. He is either your cornerstone or your stumbling stone. And saying "yes" only marks the beginning of experiencing His unstoppable love.

God's version of relentless makes my efforts at reaching Him seem so small and weak by comparison. But I also feel relief. I'm not the one holding us together. I can't accidentally ruin things between God and I. Frankly, I love that. Maybe because I feel like there is a whole lot of other stuff I can easily ruin.

But whenever I let go, He holds on.

Thank you, Lord.

Keep holding onto me, please. Tightly.

'Cause sometimes I'm not so great at relentless.

The itch of loneliness

I really need people. I was made to. We all were.

And yet we were also made to never quite fit in. Our souls are heaven bound, and so they never feel completely cozy here on earth. It's a paradox, isn't it? Though we struggle to feel truly known, we seek connection every which way.

That's why you're sitting here reading this.

That's why I'm sitting here typing this.

We all have the itch of loneliness. It's a vague mixture of healthy desires to connect and fears of isolation that push us out of our nests. We desperately long to be a part of a community, to fellowship. I suspect the only people who don't crave at least some level of connection are those who have been badly injured in a relationship that was supposed to be safe. Some of us have had bonds to others that were severed by sin, and it's left scarring.

But what I realized today is that I have a constant drive to reach out, to connect to others. This drive is so strong that many of my choices are governed by it.

Stop for a second and think about this. What is the real reason you spend so much time looking at your phone. Or on Facebook. Or online. Really. What is the reason? What need are you meeting?

For me, certainly I spend a good deal of time online or on my phone to get information: the weather, our calendar, directions, etc. But today I faced, and then accepted, the fact that I spend the most time on those types of media because I'm scratching that itch. I feel lonely, and the attempt at connection, even in the tiniest way, soothes me a little.

Loneliness can become an outright sickness of the heart particularly for moms, I've noticed. Have you? There's something about constantly meeting the needs of small children that leaves us feeling extra lonely, starving for some connection with other grown ups. And so we are driven to all the things that promise a semblance of relationship. Our phones, Facebook, even junky TV shows offer us an illusion of adult interaction. And I'm certainly not saying all those things are bad. I simply want us to look at what drives us to those things.

We need people. God created us to live in community. However, our heart's longing for connection can have us seeking it so fervently that we forget our closest friend.

You know how sometimes when you scratch an itch, it only makes that spot itch more? I think using technology to scratch the itch of loneliness can be like that. It never fully satisfies our longing, and often just makes us more unsatisfied.

The truest salve for our lonely itch is Jesus. (You knew I was going to say that, didn't you? You're so smart.) And sometimes I forget that. I feel that itch, and I go straight to my phone. Or I check my emails. Or I text somebody.

Well, connecting with my Maker, the Lover of my Soul, and my best friend is where I should go first. Maybe not in a 45 minute intense prayer session. Just a quick check in. Just as quickly as I may check Instagram. Something like, "Hey God. I'm missing you. I'm missing my true home. Be with me right now; know my heart, because I really need a friend." That's all.

Let's call it "refreshing" with God. Like when I hit the "refresh" button on my Instagram feed to get the latest posted information. It's simple.

What if you tried that today?

When you get that itch, try refreshing with Jesus first. See if it helps you feel less alone, more known, and more at peace. I'm going to try it. Instagram and Facebook can wait. Really, they won't miss me at all.

But sometimes Jesus misses me. And I miss Him. He wants to take all my itchiness away. And yours.

And while I'm here, thank you for being a part of this community. We need each other, and I'm grateful to be in fellowship with you.

One day, it will all be face to face. I can only imagine how awesome that will be.

4 things to share

Today, I need a list. There's stuff I need to tell ya. Ready, go.

1. My sister-in-law (the lucky girl who married by cute brother) started a design blog. That's what she does for a living...interior design. Guys, she is so incredibly talented. She's about to get her graduate degree from UCLA's design program and I'm so amazed by her. So check out her new blog, Trovare Design. She would be so happy for some follower momentum since she literally just stepped onto the blogging scene last month. Please help me welcome her to the blog world.

(BTW this pic is when we both were trying the no-heat-curls thing last fall. And Bridge, you may not like that I'm posting this photo. But it was either this, or you shooting a handgun.)

2. Aly, my sweet friend in real life and blogging, is hosting a salvage517 giveaway today for me. Woo hoo! If you enter, you can win your choice of a Vintage Thanksgiving postcard display, which would make a great hostess gift for whomever you'll be dining with on turkey day.  And guess what? If you're a follower of mine, you already qualify for an entry. Check out Aly's blog here.

There are a few new things in the shop too. I'm posting a pic of this new vintage turkey guy simply because it's election day, friends!! (But there are plenty of others you can win, like the frames double the size with two postcards...)

3. Speaking of voting. Yes, I'm voting, and no, I haven't gone yet. I have an absentee ballot and didn't mail it in. So I have to go surrender it and hope they let me vote. They better! My daughter who is 10 learned all about the process in school and is excited to come with me to see how it all works :) I'm a little nervous for the election results. Are you? Thank the Lord He is sovereign and anything that happens in our country has to pass by his throne for approval. Right?? 

I've loved the posts and Instagrams of people voting today. Hey, let's not be negative about one another's political views, kay? Some of my blog friends are voicing their beliefs and getting some serious criticism for doing so. Really? Both sides are flawed. We are all just doing our best to make good judgements based on our passions and views. None is perfect, none is exactly aligned with what God's word says. Both political platforms align with different aspects of a Biblical worldview, and things I feel very strongly about. So let's just respect one another. Enough said.

4. Did you hear that my BFF is moving far, far away? Yeah. God didn't consult with me about this. He has the Reed family on a path of adventure right now, and for mine and Shauna's friendship to be altered by a several thousand mile distance between us is not my favorite idea. Sometimes that sovereignty thing doesn't seem to work in my favor. Or, at least, according to my preference. I guess it DOES always work out in my favor. That's a promise. But I can't always see how. Not at the start of a change, anyway. It's a big deal, and it's not about me. But I'm still allowing myself to be a little sad. It's okay. Change is all around us this season, is it not?

Well, pals.
I could add ten more things to that list...so much on my mind and heart. So much I have yet still to share. But for now, I have kids and messes and running water and blasting Taylor Swift and plans to fight the hordes tonight at the local Lego store so that we can build a free tiny little turkey which will take 2 hours to wait in line for and 2 minutes to actually construct. That math does not compute, and yet we're going. 

Have a great night.