Grace on a Thursday: I'm still listening

I listen to Pandora a lot. Do you? It's a website with free music where you create your own "stations" based on what kind of music you like. When I first started getting on the Pandora train, I remember exclaiming, "OH my gosh, it can totally read my mind!" Because once it knows what kind of music you want to hear (let's say I create a Mumford and Sons station), it guesses really well and plays all kinds of other awesome music based on my preferences. Somehow, Pandora knows what I like.

But after about 45 minutes, it does this annoying thing. Suddenly the music stops. My room is silent. I have to walk over to my computer, and invariably, the screen says, "We don't want to be playing music to an empty room. Are you still listening?" I have to click "Yes, I'm still listening," and the music starts back up again.

Today I'm asking God to be more like Pandora.

Because sometimes I treat His voice a little like background music. Just a happy presence as a backdrop in my day. I'm trotting along, getting my stuff done, and sometimes I find I just don't really "hear" Him. I get so familiar with Him - too familiar - that I stop listening to His exact words, the ones being whispered to me all through the day: Love her. Say no. Accept yourself, because I do. Stop and listen to him. I really love you. She needs encouragement. I forgive you, try to forgive yourself. Great job with that. 

All His words of direction and encouragement....I let it become white noise.   

Until something goes awry. I get frustrated. I yell. I feel discouraged. My plans get messed up. Someone hurts my feelings. Whatever. But regardless, I notice the music has stopped. No more background happiness. He hasn't stopped speaking to me, mind you. The noise of my own muddled heart has drowned Him out.

At that moment, when I realized what I've neglected, I want a button to click. To reset my heart. I wish I had a screen where God is asking, "Are you still listening?" and I could click, "Yes, I am now," And our connection would get reestablished just like that.

It's not exactly as easy as clicking a button. For me, it takes a little more effort than that to wipe away the heart clutter and hear His voice again. But under grace, He always gives me a second chance to tune in.

I love the line in the hymn "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing," the prayer actually, that says, "Tune my heart to sing Thy grace." It's my prayer too. God is singing His grace over me, all day long. His wisdom and His affirmation. If only I could keep my heart tuned in, to sing along all day....If only!

But He loves me anyway. He speaks anyway. Oh the grace that He keeps speaking, even when I allow the noise in my heart to drown Him out.

Lord, help me to stay in tune with your voice, and your songs of grace.
The best I can, I'm still listening. 

Regret comes on the weekend

Last week was so rough for me.

Not only because of serving all week long, from 8-1 pm daily, for our church's VBS. That made me physically and mentally exhausted. But I was in emotional chaos as well. My husband and I were in a bad way. I was perpetuating the problem, as I had nothing left after each day to pour into repairs. I was waiting out the storm, huddled inside myself, just waiting for Friday to roll around. And suffering all the way through. Thankfully, the clouds parted on Friday night. The chaos died down enough for me to pull myself together, and my husband and I enjoyed some much needed alone time over pizza and wine.

Today we sang this song at church, "How He Loves". You know it, I bet. Most recently, the David Crowder Band made it famous. But it was written by John Mark McMillan.

The line that struck me deep today was this:

I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way that He loves us.

I could make quite a list of regrets from this past week. I could write them out and taste a satisfaction, even justice, from a bit of self-loathing. I could let guilt shove me against the wall. I could take time to maintain my regrets.

Or I could think about the way He loves me.

I can't do both. One knocks the other out of the way.

If I so much as glance in its direction, Love rushes at me. That's why I don't have time to maintain my regrets. God's love is a hurricane. There's no packing up. No getting ready. His love is a swift and shocking flood that carries away my explanations before I can assemble them. I don't really have time to understand His love before it overtakes me.

This morning, God reminded me of His overwhelming love, and my regrets were suddenly lost, washed into my distant, grace-blurred past.

Tonight, my husband showed me this video, the story behind the song. Listen to this man's heart, John Mark McMillan's. It's incredible. His words resonate with me. He talks about being inspired by God's love which grabs us and holds on despite how messy life is.

His love covers me even in the midst of my anger, my resentment, my regrets.

If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.





I hope you have a good Monday, friends. Regret-free.

A song I want stuck in my head

Last weekend, we were visiting family and so attended their church with them. The worship team played this Jared Anderson song, and I was in love. It makes me want to flat out weep, and so that qualifies it as my new favorite.

Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what shall I tell them?”

God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites:
‘I AM has sent me to you.’”

Exodus 3:13-14

As I listened to and sang this song during church, I kept having a visual in my head of Jesus, smiling so hard He was near laughing. He was looking at me, asking,

 "Is anything too difficult for me?"

You know the answer to that question.

Here's to the great I AM.