Last week was so rough for me.
Not only because of serving all week long, from 8-1 pm daily, for our church's VBS. That made me physically and mentally exhausted. But I was in emotional chaos as well. My husband and I were in a bad way. I was perpetuating the problem, as I had nothing left after each day to pour into repairs. I was waiting out the storm, huddled inside myself, just waiting for Friday to roll around. And suffering all the way through. Thankfully, the clouds parted on Friday night. The chaos died down enough for me to pull myself together, and my husband and I enjoyed some much needed alone time over pizza and wine.
Today we sang this song at church, "How He Loves". You know it, I bet. Most recently, the David Crowder Band made it famous. But it was written by John Mark McMillan.
The line that struck me deep today was this:
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way that He loves us.
I could make quite a list of regrets from this past week. I could write them out and taste a satisfaction, even justice, from a bit of self-loathing. I could let guilt shove me against the wall. I could take time to maintain my regrets.
Or I could think about the way He loves me.
I can't do both. One knocks the other out of the way.
If I so much as glance in its direction, Love rushes at me. That's why I don't have time to maintain my regrets. God's love is a hurricane. There's no packing up. No getting ready. His love is a swift and shocking flood that carries away my explanations before I can assemble them. I don't really have time to understand His love before it overtakes me.
This morning, God reminded me of His overwhelming love, and my regrets were suddenly lost, washed into my distant, grace-blurred past.
Tonight, my husband showed me this video, the story behind the song. Listen to this man's heart, John Mark McMillan's. It's incredible. His words resonate with me. He talks about being inspired by God's love which grabs us and holds on despite how messy life is.
His love covers me even in the midst of my anger, my resentment, my regrets.
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
I hope you have a good Monday, friends. Regret-free.