El Roi and the homeless

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is found in Genesis 16 (you can read it here). It is a very poignant story of rejection and scandal. The brief version is that Abraham and his wife Sarah are to have a son who will be the father of many nations. The only problem is that Sarah is barren. Even though God promised Sarah a son years earlier, she makes the mistake of trying to speed up God's plan by allowing her husband to sleep with her servant girl, Hagar. Hagar does conceive, which makes Sarah wildly jealous. (Um, what did she expect?) So much so that she mistreats Hagar until she finally flees.

Hagar is a foreigner from Egypt, a pagan, a pregnant woman, a runaway servant, an outcast for all of the above reasons, and is alone in the literal wilderness. Hagar is at the end of her rope, in the worst despair of her life. And the Bible says, "The angel of the Lord found Hagar..." Even when she ran, God pursued her.

Then and there, God shows up for Hagar. She didn't ask for Him, but He does anyway. He speaks worth into her soul, refreshes her purpose by giving her promises for the future, and sends her home with hope. But before she returns, Hagar gives God a new name; she calls him El-Roi, which, in Hebrew means The God who Sees. This is just so lovely to me.

This passage tells me that Hagar's question in her moment of deepest need was, "Does anyone see me?" And God answered with a resounding Yes. 

When we talk about the homeless, we can talk about providing resources, food, Bibles, and all those good things. But for me, what moves my heart is answering that question they all must have. Does anyone see me? They look around our world, and the answer is clearly No.

I don't claim to see them. I don't dare say I care enough, or that I stop every time to give change or a meal. I don't. However, I know the truth, that God sees them. He looks past their scandalous stories of trouble, and longs to speak worth and hope into their souls. I believe this. He knows their names.

So I wanted to let you know something is coming. As part of the Happy Day Project, on Sunday, Julie is again sharing the idea of making Blessing Bags, something I guest-posted about last November on her blog. They are basically large Ziplocs filled with basic necessities for those in need in our neighborhoods.

I may not know their names, but God does. Handing someone one of these bags gives me a chance to say so. God cares for you, I might say. Or maybe I'll put a note in mine explaining there is a God who sees them, who is pursuing them in love. 

So I hope you consider participating. It takes a handful of folks to make it happen, which is why the holidays are the perfect times to rustle up some family members to pull it off. This year, I'm thrilled to be bringing the idea to our local cub scout pack. And I know you know a group, a Bible Study, a mom's group, or a neighborhood of families who would be happy to join in a simple service project like this. The activity can be such a valuable teachable moment for children as well, one way to tear their focus away from their Christmas lists, at least for a moment.

Last year, many amazing stories came out of the Blessing Bags post, and so if you have any, I'd love to hear them after the fact. And lastly, the name comes from the Biblical idea that we are blessed so that we may be a blessing. God does not lavish us with gifts and resources just to simply enjoy. It is also so we may be generous people, and bless others in turn.

God saw you. He pursued you. By name. And He keeps pursuing, every day. He said to Peter as He says to us, "Do you love me? Then feed my sheep."

You are blessed to be a blessing.

Eleven Lessons

Think about how many lessons you've learned in your life. Thousands, I'd guess, from the benefits of obeying your mom or being kind to the downfalls of speeding or not studying for a test. Which ones were the "biggies" for you? The ones about love? Faith? Working out your own identity? Of course, we are all in process, learning lessons all the time. But today I'm sharing eleven big lessons I've learned in my life thus far, in chronological order. Not elaborating much, just an overview...an outline of the things God has taught me over the years.


5 yrs old - I learned God loves me.

I was little, but I knew it. I heard it at home and in church, and I believed. I asked Him to be in charge of my little life. I had a simple understanding that if I asked Him to, He would forgive me, guide me, and be with me forever.

17 years old - I learned God has a good plan for my life.

With encouragement from one of the youth leaders in the high school group at church, I decided to break up with my boyfriend who was not a believer, and who did not share my values. I took a leap of faith and was sure hoping God would notice. I lost friends through that choice, because I was honest about my reason. A couple months later, on Halloween, I took another leap by saying 'no' to a party I knew I ought not attend. I went to the church function instead, feeling pretty lame. That night, I met a different kind of guy. We've been married thirteen years.

20 years old - I learned God's plan isn't always what I want.

That guy and I had a painful break up. We were apart for a year, and I was bitterly hurting the whole time. Until I finally opened my white-knuckled fists and laid the relationship down. I took another leap and trusted God. It seems as soon as I let it go, He restored it.

22 years old - I learned that God has a crazy way of balancing me out.

And it's called marriage. When we first got married, I think we really believed we were the only ones who married their exact opposite. It was such a shock to realize that this was actually God's way of challenging me to grow and become less self-centered. I did think on occasion that God tricked me into picking that guy. :)

27 years old - I learned that God has a MUCH CRAZIER way of growing me.

And it's called motherhood. Whoa. Motherhood has at times made me feel like a disastrous failure more than anything I've ever experienced. Talk about a refining process. I was really thrown by how difficult it was/is to be a good mother. Now, nearly ten years in, it continues to be the most rewarding and yet most humbling job I've ever been given.

29 years old - I learned my husband makes a really bad God.

After about seven years of marriage, I was so disappointed that my husband wasn't better at meeting my every need. And then I learned he was never meant to. (But knowing that was only the tip of the iceberg. Keep reading.)

30 years old - I learned that God is bigger than I ever imagined and still really loves me.

I read the entire Bible cover to cover this year, using the One-Year Chronological Bible (see bookshelf on the sidebar) which sort of forces you to read it like a novel. It permanently changed my outlook on who God is. Start to finish, I saw that the Bible is one beautiful, exciting, suspenseful, and dramatic love story written by the most passionate and creative author to have ever lived.  

32 years old - I learned that I am beautiful.

Reading the book Captivating by Staci and John Eldredge (also on the sidebar) also greatly impacted me. We were going through rough times in our marriage and God used this book to speak immense validation and worth into my broken feminine heart. He reminded me that He made me beautiful in so many ways, and that He delights in who I am. He is God of the universe, but also wants to have a relationship with us in such an intimate, personal way. I think every woman should read it.

33 years old - I learned that God is my husband (and that my husband is just a human).

The rough times were continuing on, and I was out of ideas. Out of strength, and out of words. I finally saw the whole iceberg. The love I so badly wanted was available to me; I was just looking for it in the wrong place. Life-changing. My greatest lessons were coming out of my greatest heartaches. I wrote about this season in detail here.

35 years old - I learned that my story is God's story.

I started blogging a year and a half ago with the intent to share with you bits of my journey. And all along, though my "voice" has morphed a bit, my passion has remained: I really believe that part of my story is in the sharing of it. And I believe that for you as well. Part of what God is doing in my life crisscrosses with someone else's story and what He is doing over there, like times a thousand. So many times, we've learned from each other because He orchestrates it to be so. All I can do is offer up the testimonies He's given me, and trust Him to make something of it. God does not waste my pain. He bottles every tear, and infuses words with power to give hope. And I'm so thankful that part of the way He redeems our pain is by using our stories for good.

36 years old (now) - I am learning that I have no concept of what God has in store for me, in heaven or on earth.

I underestimate Him all the time, and He continues to chuckle at me, as if to say, "You have no idea. You think THIS is a big deal? Just wait and see what I can do." This has been His regular message to me over the years, bringing the verses in Isaiah to mind over and again: "Behold! I am doing something new! Do you not see it?" And last January, He gave me the word "Look" as the watchword for the year, as if to say, "LOOK! Open your eyes to my work all around you." It's the same thing I'm learning now: I cannot conceive of what great things He has in store for me. But I'm excited to find out.

So now you know mine. What's one lesson you've learned that's changed your life?

Grace on a Thursday: A sweet surprise

My daughter.
She has a very thoughtful heart. She is deep and soulful and wise beyond her years.

I've written about her a handful of times on this blog, but if you're new, here are some highlights. Here is an introduction to her. Here is where I talk about how she is my first born, and with that status comes constant challenge since we are both breaking new ground as parent and child together, all the time. Here is where I wrote about my battle against the world to help her form a healthy identity. Here is a perfect example of her thoughtful heart.

And this post is where I tell you how she surprised me with grace.

Tuesday was Day 2 of The Happy Day Project, where the challenge was to give someone a handwritten note. I prayed about it that morning, and decided that I would write brief letters to my kids. I filled one card each full of encouragement and placed them in their rooms. It's easy to encourage kids when they're tiny, when every step taken and word spoken is a celebration. But when they're a bit older, the instruction and correction take up most of the words. Encouragement requires more intentionality the older they get.

Especially since we've been sick for so long over here, I haven't been intentional about anything. I've been surviving. Basically wiped out, and happy if all my people are simply fed and breathing. I haven't read them any stories. We've played no games, done no crafts, and I haven't made paper chains with them like they've begged for counting down the days 'till our Thanksgiving trip next week. I feel like all I've done is ordered them to pick up their things, do their homework, feed the dog, help in the kitchen, pick up their things, and then pick up their things like ten more times. They'd be having more fun in the army.

Back to Tuesday. I knew my daugther had gone into her room for homework time, but wasn't sure if she'd seen the envelope I propped up on her desk. About thirty minutes later, she walked out, and propped up an envelope for me against some dishes I'd just cleaned next to the sink where I was working. She said nothing, shot me a sly smile, and retreated back into her room.

Right away, I saw work went into this. She had decorated the outside with an owl sticker (my favorite) and bubble lettering. But the inside words melted me.

Then there was a drawing. She and I lying on her bed reading together. The caption said, "I love to read with you."

Cue the tears. Wow. On a day I planned to surprise my kids with words of love, she affirmed me. And in a season when I don't really deserve it! Yes, I do love crafts, and yes, I am usually there for her. But not lately. I do like to read together, but I can't remember the last time we did. Lately none of those things has been happening. And when I get what I don't deserve, well, you know what that's called. Grace.

Grace from my child is just a different kind of surprise, another level of blessing.

She said I'm the best. Well, I'm certainly not the best. Far from it. But here's a secret about seeing with eyes of grace: grace sees who you were meant to be, and brushes your failures off like eraser dust. There are definitely consequences for my mistakes at times. And I'm sure she'll have her share of issues to work through later in life because of them. But for right now, she blessed me and surprised me with her generous grace.

Her grace today is what will remind me tomorrow to lean into God's strength when I am weak. Her grace inspires me to be more of whom I was meant to be.

And I pray my grace for her will do the same.

The Happy Day Project, day 1

If you've been hearing talk of The Happy Day Project all over the place, well, that's because Julie and Jeannett are making people happy. Actually, they're encouraging all of us to make others happy.

And today we accomplished the challenge for Day 1: Bring a treat to a neighbor.

I did not plan for this. I just looked at the prompt this morning, and made do. That's how I roll. If I have the stuff on hand, then great. If not, NBD. Let it slide. We'll try again another day.

But today, we actually did it. I'm not guaranteeing we'll do ALL the challenges this week. I'm just glad we did ONE. Ya know, I gotta take what I can get, and delight in the little things.

In fact, that is what today's printable to go with the challenge was all about. You'll see what I mean in a minute.

What was in my pantry:
TJ's Pumpkin Bread mix
Chopped pecans
Snoopy Cupcake liners 
Dog paper plates from my son's birthday last year.




It was a turquoise and brown theme. Just kidding. There was no theme. It just worked out that way.

It took me about five whole minutes to mix up the batter.
Another five for my daughter to fill the cupcake liners {Pancake Pen required}.
Another five for my son to sprinkle on some pecans.
Twelve minutes to bake, during which we washed the dishes and loaded the dishwasher.

I had some expert "done-ness" testers. Wow, is that cake tester apparently a fun toy.



Mmmmm. Smelling so yummy. There was one muffin sans pecans. Because someone ate them all before he was finished sprinkling.



I spent another five minutes printing the note cards and wrapping the plates with yarn.

Wait. PAUSE on this post. See our new little pets in the background? Meet Rocky and Lily. Lily is the shy one. They were trying to get some sun.

Okay. Resume.



(Of course the parchment paper roll was on its last small rectangle. I learned tape does not stick to parchment. Even the super sticky box tape kind. Wrapped the other plate in plastic wrap.)

And ten minutes to deliver plates of muffins to two neighbor friends.

Ah! They were delighted. The kids had so much fun delivering them to their doors.

One friend just found out she is pregnant, and was feeling pretty awful. She sent me a text later saying our visit made her day. The other friend was so thankful as well, and my kids got invited in to see their giant turtle as a reward. Yeah...our turtles may be moving out before they become describable as "giant."

A little effort. A little modeling of kindness for the sake of the kids (sorta redeems yesterday's post? ha.) A little love...all going a long way. Thanks Julie and Jeannett.

Staying awake

Friday poured rain.

It was the first day I felt like I had a little strength after being sick for the few prior. So when I picked up the kids from school, I was itching to get out of the house and do something fun with them.

We headed toward the $2 theater that plays all the family-friendly movies several months after they've disappeared every place else. The re-release of The Lion King was waiting for us in all it's musical glory.

But we had an issue at the door. I really needed to bring in my hot tea. And I mean I really needed it. My scratchy throat needed it, and my sanity needed it. It had been another bad week, which had followed a bad week, all due to sickness rotating in our house for way too long. And that warm cup in my hand was like my security blanket at that point. But the teen working the popcorn counter said I needed to throw it away. No outside drinks were allowed. I couldn't go "past the podium" with it.

So we wandered a little in the foyer while I decided whether or not I was going to obey her and trash the fresh, giant hot tea I just bought next door. I paced the tile floor, my rain boots squeaking with each step. Once, I heard her shout, "Ma'am! You CAN'T go past the podium!" Exasperation welled as I shouted back over the heads in line for candy, "WHAT PODIUM!?" I didn't know what she was talking about, and God knows I was only pretending to care.

Then I started to seethe, just a bit. She has no idea. She's never been a mother! She hasn't ever survived two weeks of kids and husband with the flu. She's never subsisted off of Saltines for two weeks, breathing nothing but Lysol in every room. She certainly has NO idea how much I need that cup of chamomile and to just enjoy a freakin' Disney movie with my kids! I paced some more. I may have had grace on Thursday, but it was Friday and I was about to let her have it.

So what did I do? Decided my reasons trumped the law. Waited until the curly-haired concessions seller turned her back, and hid my cup under my son's coat. Yes. I. did. Desperate times called for desperate measures. Those measures being a blatant disregard for modeling rule-following and honesty. I happily sipped that thing through the whole movie. And it was delightful.

On the way home, the grey skies were lifting. In fact, though the rainy darkness loomed overhead, off in the distance was blue sky and billowing white clouds. The grand ones. The breathtaking ones. And we were headed right for them. But I didn't see them. I was feeling the fatigue of the outing, slightly dizzy and wondering if I'd overestimated my wellness. And trying to let go of the mom-fail scenario back at concessions.

It was my daughter who saw where we were headed first. "Mom! Don't those clouds look like Jesus could just come down through right now riding a beautiful horse?" Her words flashed so bright into my fog that I wanted to crumple up and weep and pray that it could be so. Right now, Jesus, would be just fine with me. I said, "Yes, wouldn't that be awesome?" pushing a cheery smile into my tone.

I wanted to weep because I was weary, yes. But also because she doesn't even know the Bible well enough to know what she knows. I wanted to weep because God has hidden truth from those who think themselves wise, and revealed it to little children (Matthew 11:25). It is shocking to hear wisdom from children, isn't it? Startling, humbling.

To my knowledge, she doesn't yet know about this passage:

"Then I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse! The one sitting on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he judges and makes war...On his robe and on his thigh he has a name written, King of kings and Lord of lords."
Revelation 19: 11-16

(Did you know about this? Jesus may in fact have words engraved on his skin, sort of tattoo-ish, huh? Don't get mad at me. I learned about that from this incredible book.)

I'm sure she and I have talked about this.

And then they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory.
Luke 21:27

But it was the first thing she thought of when she saw the clouds. Jesus coming for us.

I call that expectant. I want to be expectant, don't you? Particularly on the foggy days, when it's pouring, and I can't even think straight. I want to look past the haze, notice white puffy clouds in the distance, and expect to see Him coming.

Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming.
Matthew 24:42

That phrase "stay awake" has also been translated "be prepared" and "be watchful." These are expressions of expectation, phrases that exhort us to remember at all moments that our Lord is in fact coming.

And something about that truth makes all the curly-haired concessions sellers, all the Lysol, all the coughing, and all the tears in all the world vanish like storm clouds in the light of the sun.

Grace on a Thursday: Facing what I am not

My friend Shauna - you know her, right? (she has this amazing blog) - had an incredible mother. I never got to meet her, but I've learned things from her nonetheless. Her daughter has carried on so much of her beauty.

A story about Cindie I may never forget is how when faced with her limitations, she'd gracefully state, "Well, I have many other fine qualities." I imagine she'd smile at the same time, fully unphased by her shortcomings, and fully satisfied by the gifts God had given her.

I, on the other hand, don't love to linger over my shortcomings. I'd rather focus on my strengths, quietly ashamed of that which I am not, and secretly wishing my weaknesses would just disappear.

So when I heard that Cindie would have such an attitude - one characterized by a deep understanding of grace - something in me craved it. Her example opened my eyes and made it seem plausible that perhaps I may be able to free myself from the self-inflicted pressure to be great at everything.

Now that I think about it, I don't think I'd previously realized what a life of striving I'd been living.

Recently, I took an online spiritual gifts test. You answer questions for a few minutes, and then it tells you what you are most likely gifted in (according to the motivational gifts listed in Romans 12), and by default, that which you are not. I have to ask myself, Do I spend more time thanking God for the incredible gifts He's given me in order to be effective for His kingdom, or do I spend more time staring at the figures that say I AM NOT gifted in many others? It is a real dilemma for me some days.

So today, as we could all use some grace for ourselves this Thursday, can we try something together?

In the comments, I'm going to share with you my few gifts, and the few I certainly do not have, based on that gifts test. I'll be practicing Cindie's motto as I type the weaknesses: "I have many other fine qualities!" And through grace, I'll be thanking God for my strengths as well as my weaknesses, because those are the areas in which His power can especially shine. Amen?

If you have a few minutes, go here and take the test yourself. (It's short) Then, share your results with us in a comment. It will give you percentages for each of seven gifts. The highest couple are your spiritual gifts - strengths given to you by God himself for serving and loving the world. And for that which you are NOT, we'll know you have many other fine qualities! 

(I'm hoping you have a chance to play along; since blogging sometimes feels like I'm talking AT you, I like to find ways to get to know YOU better. And don't miss the chance to read the analysis of each gift below the results. It's certainly helped me understand who God made me to be.)   

2 ways to say thanks

Just so you know, I'm blogging right now simply to distract myself from the goings on in my tummy that are not happy.

And to share what's on my mind tonight.

Firstly, I feel really lame because someone in the blog world inspired me to do something cool, and for the life of me, I can't remember whom. I searched high and low today for the post, but to no avail. Tell me if it was you who baked mini muffins and put them in egg cartons and delivered them to your kid's teacher. Please! I so wanted to steal the idea (that I think you stole from Pinterest). I'm so sorry I am blanking. But just know that you inspired me to do a good thing, be an example to my kids, and bless others. And I'm sure I wasn't the only one.

{Edited to add: Maureen commented below and saved the day! Casey made the muffins in the egg cartons!! Casey, you're awesome. I'm embarassed because I actually know Casey and still forgot. I blame the mommy brain.}

Anyhow, I mixed up a batch of these, piped the batter into mini muffins instead of scooped it into cookies, and wrapped up two egg cartons full. I tied the cartons with strips of fabric and yarn, and made orange paper labels for the tops that said, "I am thankful for all you do!" My kids delivered them today to their teachers. I didn't take any pics. Sorry. Just trust me that it was cute.

The second thing on my heart is that I'm doing this with Rachel. It starts tomorrow!





If you're not familiar, it is taking the time to hand write a thank you note to someone in your life every Wednesday in November, and then post about it and link up on the Thursdays.
But my thought is that I'm not sure I want to go public with my letters of thankfulness. I'm sort of thinking I want my sentiments to stay between the recipient and me. Rach says in her original post that that is OK, so I'm not breaking the rules or anything. But what do you think? Are you doing it too?

My other thought about participating is that I want to challenge myself in terms of to whom I will write. I don't want to just write to my husband and best friends and parents. I express my thankfulness for them often enough (what with me and my many, many words, long-winded cards for every occasion, etc.).

I want to think about and ask God who, in my life, needs to know that they matter. Who is aching for significance? Who is wondering if they are making a difference to anyone? 

Teachers? Bible Study leaders? My pastor? My child? (Ooh, that one gave me a chill just typing it.)

The thing is, you can be certain many around you are doubting themselves. We all go there from time to time, right? And the Lord knows exactly who needs a kind word. I just want to make sure I'm doing this to serve Him, not myself. Our effectiveness as believers is magnified greatly if we are listening closely for direction.

We'll see how it unfolds. Maybe I'll be so inspired by God's direction that I'll feel compelled to blog the details after all.

Lastly, friends, I have a fun thing for you to do this week for Grace on a Thursday, so check back if you can. I hope lots of you participate (it's not a linky, just an activity). We can learn a little about each other.

Night night.