Kale and how I know nothing about hunger

I was killing time today just before VBS pickup when I decided to go into a very fancy grocery store. After wandering for a while, I chose some kale. Everyone and their mother seems to be making kale chips these days; I thought I'd give it a try (ie. trick my kids into eating a new vegetable by calling them chips). While paying, I wondered if the check-out girl had also made these chips. The odds were in my favor, so I asked if she had any advice. Sure enough, she was a kale chip expert. But almost immediately, I realized her advice was useless. First she said something about using a food dehydrator. Which lost me. I have a hard enough time keeping my kids, myself, my pets and my vegetable garden hydrated. I don't need anything in my life that actually encourages dehydration. So when she mentioned mixing the chips with some substance called miso paste, I was already not listening. Not that I even know to which food group miso paste belongs.

Moving on. The kale chips turned out good. One of my two kids sort of mostly liked them, after salting them to the point of erasing any health benefit the vegetable could have had. But I'm not bothered by that, tonight, nearly as much as I've been bothered - no, haunted - by Kristen's posts this week over at Rage Against the Minivan. 

Kristen has been in Ethiopia with Food for the Hungry Bloggers. She's been sharing stories of children and families who don't have enough food. They don't have enough anything. It's caused me to think about food all week, and more importantly, my feelings about food, my casual indulgence, my sense of entitlement when it comes to food, and my habitual ingratitude.

The thing is that I've tried to assimilate the information about the state of affairs of these Ethiopian families and shape it into a productive act of mercy on my part. Of course, the whole objective is that the reader's heart is moved to the point of helping. Tangibly. Not just spectating, or experiencing a warm swell of compassion, but becoming invested and engaged.

But I'm good at math, and as a family, we don't have any extra to give. I say that with uncertainty. I say that feeling a little sick, knowing I'm surrounded by excess and wealth, relatively, simply because I have a home, a car, and 5,000 other things that those families do not have. And yet, my husband and I narrowly escaped an argument tonight over the question of how exactly his decent income so quickly disappears every month. The math doesn't lie, but I also understand I live in a paradigm and a culture of self-indulgence and material accumulation. I spent my evening trying to perfectly toast a kale chip and wanting to complain on Instagram about how much laundry I have to do. Never once did I feel grateful for that laundry, or consider giving half of it away to someone who really needs clothing.

We are so downright quick to meet our own needs out of our abundance, we forget most of the world doesn't - can't - live that way.

I'm simply having a hard time wrapping my mind around this: I live in utter luxury compared to the families in Ethiopia. And yet compared to many families around me in Orange County, CA, we live in scarcity. I'm bothered by the paradox. I'm bothered by not knowing exactly how to change things. I'm bothered by not having "room" to be generous to the poor. Something's wrong, and God help us if we don't try to make it right. God help us if we, His children, don't work this out on a very personal level.  

Some people see socioeconomic disparities in the world as injustice, and sometimes they even blame God for it. The truth is that we live in an unjust world. It's broken, and sin rules it with an iron fist. It wasn't God's plan A, but it is all part of his permissive will. He's allowing injustice for reasons we don't dare guess (or question). However, one thing of which I'm certain is that God himself is perfectly just. And therefore, we will all be judged for how we treated the poor. We will all be asked how we managed our resources. And God probably isn't going to be calling us into account by county.

I might be in line ahead of a mother from Ethiopia. When it's my turn to answer how I spent my money, I just have a feeling the "we didn't have room" argument isn't going to stand.

{look at the faces of the hungry here,
even see how long each child has been waiting
for a sponsor if you click on his or her photo.}

Grace on a Thursday: How to ruin a blog

I don't know if you caught it today, but for a few hours, my blog was totally messed up.

I'm not exactly sure how I messed it up. (And I'm honestly not exactly sure how I got it back, which shows you just how much I know about what I'm doing, technically.) But one false "click" and I lost my whole Top of the Page blog design. All the buttons, the header, the photos, the entire sidebar.....it was all gone. I emailed my blog designer and she said she no longer had the graphics since it was a while ago.

I stared at my screen, fumbling for a solution for thirty minutes. My face was hot, my heart rate was up. I muttered to myself, "I ruined it," over and over. 

Eventually, I had to give up my attempts and take the kids somewhere. I drove around, enjoyed a free Icee from 7-11 (since today is 7/11), and tried to follow my husband's encouragement to calm down. I resisted the temptation to pull up my blog on my phone and continue to stare at what I could not fix.

When I came home, I resolved to try some new ideas to recover my design. Within 5 minutes, my computer completely froze, raising my frustration all over again. But just before I let myself react, somehow then I understood. Ever have those moments when the lightbulb goes on and you realize the problem may not be about what you thought it was about?

Finally. God had grace to trade for my anxiety, and I felt the Holy Spirit telling me to get away with Him for a bit. He had something to say (and how many roadblocks would He have to construct before I stopped to listen?) I plopped myself on the couch and put my face into the seat cushion. So full of grace, He said,

Don't misunderstand what you're doing, here. Your influence, your service to me is holy. Did you really think that changing what your blog looks like could ruin it?

I felt led to open my Bible to what comes next in my daily reading: Philippians 3.

"We put no confidence in human effort, though I could have confidence in my own effort if anyone could. Indeed, if others have reason for confidence in their own efforts, I have even more!

(then Paul lists his credentials for being a "good" Jewish boy.)

I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him." (NLT)

Paul is talking about "discarding" any reason to boast or appear successful in the world's eyes for the sake of having a singular definition, a singular source of confidence: Jesus.  
 My credentials for having a "good" blog are as follows.
I have a cute, custom blog design.
I have a decent following.
I have some good ideas, recipes, crafts, photos.
I have sponsors.
I use turquoise and cute fonts.
I use social media to promote it.
I...
I...
I...

It's all garbage, compared to knowing and sharing Jesus.

How silly of me to believe for a second that I could ruin my blog by changing what it looks like. The only way I can ruin my blog is to leave Jesus out of it. He is what I have to really offer. (I realize not all of you have the exact same calling I feel I have in blogging, and not all of you have faith-centered blogs. That's perfectly okay. I'm just speaking for myself and what I feel called to/convicted about.)

In my quiet time with Him, after He messed up my design and froze my computer, God reminded me:

People are literally truth-starved. Is your confidence in what your blog looks like? In what the world says is of value? Or is your confidence in sharing Me? Is your confidence in My work here, since you've offered this to Me?

I'm not saying that from now on, I'll make my blog unattractive and stop sharing recipes. What I'm saying is that I need to remember the point. And (sigh) I need to embrace GRACE when I get caught up in anxiety over less important stuff like I did today.

I'm asking myself...

Is my confidence as a blogger in Him and His work alone?

Do I boast about Jesus more than I boast about more frivolous things here?

Do all my other sources of pride look like garbage compared to how much pride I have in knowing Him?

Am I maintaining that the primary motive of my blog is to share Jesus and His story?

I hope so.
 
Because if not, I will ruin my blog.
 
For reals.   
 

Raise your hand if you like pie.

Now keep your hand up if you are a little OCD and have anxiety when someone cuts you a slice and all the goodness starts to smoosh out the sides. (Don't even mention the practice of putting a scoop of something coldthatwillimmediatelymelt on top of that warm slice. Too much smooshiness for me.)

I much prefer my pie neatly contained and non-smooshy.

So when my pal Shauna introduced me to individual pies in mason jars, I knew my pie dreams had come true. Especially because then you can give away little pies as gifts! Amazing and genius, right?

One day, she taught me how to make them. I was really focused, so I didn't take pictures. But I made some blackberry jar pies for the 4th of July and I documented it all.

Because I know you love pie. And I love you.

So here we go. It's easy, folks. This recipe will fill 8 jars.

5 C fresh or frozen, unthawed berries
1 C sugar
3 T cornstarch or flour
1/8 tsp salt
1 T lemon juice
a few T cold butter cut into small pieces
1 egg
raw or coarse sugar for sprinkling
1 pkg of pie dough (2 sheets), thawed
8 mason jars (the 8 oz., wide mouthed variety are best)



Don't make the berry mixture till your jars are ready.

STEP 1: Roll your dough between plastic to smooth it and thin it a bit. Using a drinking glass or a cookie cutter about the size/shape of the opening of the mason jar, cut out 8 pie tops. Use the remaining approx. sheet and a half of dough to line the jars, tearing off pieces and pressing into the jars. No need to spray or grease them first. Press the pieces of dough to fill all the spaces on the sides and bottom, and stop just below the threads of the jar (where the lid would screw on). Don't bother to make it perfect. It will all cook together fine.

STEP 2: Preheat your oven to 400 and set racks at the bottom third and top third of oven. Make the filling by mixing together the berries, sugar, cornstarch or flour, salt and lemon juice. If you are using frozen fruit, you will need to add at least another tablespoon of cornstarch or flour. Scoop filling into jars. If using frozen fruit, overfill them because they cook down a LOT. If you are using fresh fruit, fill only 3/4 full.

{this is what the mix looks like with frozen blackberries. it looks much different with fresh fruit because they immediately begin to break down. that's why you shouldn't make the mix too early and let it sit.}

STEP 3: Dot the filling with a few pieces of the cold butter. Place tops on filling. If your tops go all the way to the edge of jar, then you'll need to cut a couple small slits in the dough with a sharp knife to vent the pie. Brush dough lightly with egg and sprinkle with the raw sugar (optional).

Bake directly on the lower rack for 15 minutes to cook the bottom crust until turning golden. Then lower the temp to 350, and move all the jars to the upper rack for another 15 minutes or until the tops are golden and filling is bubbly. After they are completely cooled, you can put the lids on the jars and put them in the fridge, give to your neighbors, mail to me, eat for breakfast the next day, you decide. I reheat them in the microwave for a few seconds and think they're delicious. But reheating in the oven (if I were patient) would make the dough crispier. I'm guessing.

But know this. Pie will never be the same to you. And you're welcome.

Go make some.

Land that I love

Our independence as a nation is a gift, and not necessarily a permanent one. When I hear the words to the song "God Bless America," I find myself praying its prayer. When I looked up the exact lyrics to make sure I had them right, I found that there is an original first portion that is often left out. I've never heard it before:

While the storm clouds gather far across the sea,
Let us swear allegiance to a land that's free,
Let us all be grateful for a land so fair,
As we raise our voices in a solemn prayer.

God bless America, land that I love
Stand beside her, and guide her
Through the night with the light from above.
From the mountains, to the prairies, 
to the oceans white with foam,
God bless America,
My home sweet home. 

Here's how we celebrated freedom this 4th of July.

Of course, with food. I made blackberry pies in jars and my daughter made red velvet flag cupcakes from scratch. Then I found that even my lemon was patriotic. And the mini-skewers were from - you guessed it - Pinterest. Strawberries, blueberries and mini marshmallows on toothpicks.

Also from Pinterest, my friend CC made marshmallow shooters for the kids out of plastic cups and halved balloons. Clever and so fun. However, there was a lot of, "Don't eat them off the ground!" Naturally.

The moms and big girls all painted our nails with royal blue and then with big chunky glitter polish. They looked like fireworks themselves. Here are a few more marshmallow shooters, my berry mix for the pies, and a sparkler in motion. 

Real freedom is living in a city where fireworks are legal. Which we do NOT. So we left. Happy times. I love fireworks. And sparklers. And seeing my kids glow with delight.

The song "God Bless America" is sort of corny. But sometimes corny is good. And as the first part of the song suggests, it seems to me that the storm clouds are gathering around our country. Political and economic instability are no longer unthinkable. We are not immune to disaster here. So let's not neglect to pray for this land that we love, and thank God for our freedom.

Because it's pretty great.

Summer on Insta, oh the love!

Isn't summer the best? It's seriously my favorite. I know I told you that already.

Every week (and it's only been 2) I have bunches of sweet memories. Here are the latest....via Instagram.

One item on our summer list is to memorize 5 verses together. This was number 1. The kids learned it faster than I did. Of course. Psalm 12:26 from the NIrV version for early readers, the version I love best for smallish kids.

It's not long before they cream me. And I'm really good. Look, she's about to drop it like it's hot on the Triple Word Score.

The outdoor art station is going strong. We found these wooden paintable snack trays at Hobby Lobby, which are perfect for breakfasty snacks out there. (Yes, 50% of my kids hate hot chocolate and drink tea instead. From his Lego mug.) 

I enlisted some pajamaed staffers on my assembly line for Project Hope. We made 100 of these cards (below) for Laura and the handmade memory boxes she is making to give to hospitals for mommies who have lost their babies. Just like she did.

It was a bit heartbreaking for me. The ziploc is to hold a lock of a child's hair. I prayed for each mother as I held her card, clipped threads, and rounded corners.

And as for some frivolous stuff, here I am at Sonic at 9:00 pm, feeding my kids dinner in the car. Because sometimes that's how it has to go down. And that sometimes is because they are stuck in theater rehearsal for way too long. Mother-of-the-year candidate status gaining ground. And I don't even really care because it's s-u-m-m-e-r. It's like my kids and I are in a secret club, and it's a little thrilling, feeling like we're getting away with something, I think. Having slushies and fries in the backseat two hours past bedtime. (I would have never tried this when my kids were smaller, mind you. But if you have littles, know there is a light at the end of that tunnel...)

I am doing my best Merida impression here because we saw Brave. I really liked it, and so did the kids. Though I don't think it made them want to go lay in bed and cry themselves to sleep over the mother-daughter issues it raises. Just kidding. Or not.

And here's a little sneak peak at a photo shoot (where I pretended I was a model: "Are the rest of you guys smiling or serious? How should I have my face?") for Allora Handmade! I'm sure more pics will be appearing soon on her blog and in her shop.

Top left: me sporting fake eyelashes for the first time. Yessss. I could get used to looking that ladyish.
Top right: Julie and I in orbs of heavenly light because we're sort of angelic.
Bottom left: Jacqui and I also glowing. Probably because our necklaces are radiantly lovely. I also want to make every single thing on her blog.
Bottom right: Julie with a big, beautiful smile because her hair does not have Clear in it.

Well friends, I just downloaded this brand spankin' new album from Hillsong and I'm going to go listen to it! Have a great weekend!
Hugs.

A winner, the 4th, and 400

Look at this photo of my cute all-American pals.

We met last weekend to do a little flea marketing. From L to R, can you spy Jami, Shauna, Aly (hiding behind her new babah girl) and Alyss? Did you know we are all real life friends too? Well, ever since Blog Sugar last year. Except Shauna. She and I go way back. I just love this photo, and the flag makes it perfect for today. (Look at those little baby tootsies. Goodness!)

Speaking of Aly, are you wondering who won her giveaway from last week? Did you like how absentminded sneaky I was in neglecting to put an END date on the giveaway?? Well it's over and I picked a winner. Actually, a computer did.

Check it out. Random.org loves to help me with this kind of thing.

Congrats to you, Jess Hover!! You were comment #23!

Please give me your email address so I can pass it on to Aly. You are going to be so blessed to have Aly's pieces in your home.


So what are you up to on this special holiday? I really do love the 4th of July. I have fond memories of sitting on a blanket, leaning against my dad's bent knees watching the fireworks right above my head at a local baseball field growing up. To this day, the closer I can get to the show, the better.

We are excited to be spending the day with friends, and I'll be sharing some of the treats I'm making later.

And by the way. I hit 400 posts yesterday. That is a big number, to me. In honor of that landmark, I wanted to give the glory to God and express my gratitude for all this little space is to me.

I'm so thankful for every moment I've had to sit down and share my thoughts. I'm thankful for health, for myself and my family, which allows me to have those moments.

I'm so thankful for each one of you who has read my thoughts. And especially if you have taken the time to share yours with me.

And most of all, I'm so thankful for the way God has led me into and through blogging over the past couple years, inspiring me, pruning me, and persistently burdening me to share my story (really, HIS story) with you. I've experienced much fruit and been blessed by much fellowship on this journey. As long as He knows that I'm a willing witness, I'm pretty sure He'll give me a story to tell.

My prayer is that my words continue to reflect His love and grace as best they can, and that we continue to grow together. We really can't do this life alone. So hey, if you know of a blog friend in your area, maybe try to get to know her in real life. She's probably pretty cool. And you may even come home with some flea market finds you really needed.

Happy 4th, friends!

The Help Yo'self Summer {encouraging autonomy}

A few weeks ago, as summer was about to start, I remembered something I learned in MOPS. A speaker once advised that as soon as your child was capable of doing a thing, you should require that they continue to do it. For instance, as soon as he is able to complete a simple chore, assign it to him. When they can dress themselves, let them. All of this is in the name of encouraging autonomy.

It’s tricky for some of us. It may be the trickiest job we have as mothers: to slowly wean ourselves off of mothering for eighteen years straight. It is a very slow process of letting go, but the process should ideally never cease. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. We are not raising children; we are raising capable adults, aren’t we?

This job is even implied in the word autonomy, which means "to rule oneself". Isn’t that precisely what we want for our kids when they leave our home? They need to be fairly self-sufficient rulers of their own lives and bodies.

I know a mom of a near junior higher who still picks up off the floor the child’s clothes she’s strewn about and puts them in the hamper for her. I am a mom of a seven year old who doesn’t know how to tie his shoes because I keep tying them. And I was a child who never had to get a job, or do her own laundry, or cook a meal before she left home. I turned out okay; I figured out how to work and cook and do laundry. But I still want to be intentional about encouraging autonomy with my children. And that means slowly stopping doing some things I have always done.

This summer, I created a whole space where I am choosing not to be in charge. It’s called our Outdoor Art Station. I know I already told you about this, but here are more details. I bought a table off Craigslist for $25, painted it, covered it with a piece of vinyl, and organized all our art supplies on it. The Art Station is Help Yo’self. Entirely.

Then I took my grandmother’s metal tea cart, covered that, and made it the Help Yo’self snack bar. All I do is bring out a pitcher of some kind of drink and a tray of snacks. My child can take a cup, pour his own drink, take a paper plate, serve himself a sandwich, take a paper bowl, scoop out some popcorn, or chips, or grapes or whatever is there, and feel BIG. He can then decide what to create, on what kind of paper and with what materials, and then he can hang the finished product up with a clothespin on a line. Of course he can also put away what he’s used too.

The first day, there was a big spill. Of course I had to jump in, but then I showed the kids how they are equally able to wipe up spills themselves. They can move their bodies quickly. They can run for a dish towel. They don’t just have to stand there and stare at ME doing it all.

Also, I’ve already heard a lot of, “Mom, can you get me __________?” Every time, it has been something I have provided already. Which shows me that even if I am giving them the tools to help themselves, they are more familiar with asking me to do everything for them. And that, to me, is a red flag. That tells me this little exercise is a good thing. Each time, I’ve replied in a cheery voice, “Go ahead and help yourself!” They‘ve said, “Oh!” with a tone of surprise. I think it’s a combination of not feeling certain they were capable of doing that thing, and not being sure they were allowed to.

Here’s the thing. I can err on the side of micro-managing my kids. It’s gotten them in a habit of asking me for and if they can do anything and everything. Most of the time that’s good – it’s not a free-for-all over here. They need to ask permission to have a popsicle or play on the computer. But I need to wean them off some of that overdependence, now that it is age-appropriate.

I think some people thought I created the art station so I could have more time to myself. So the kids could be occupied for chunks of time this summer. Well, that is nice at times. But that wasn’t my motivation. I wanted to show my kids that I trust them, that I believe in them, and that they are capable of more than they realize, namely taking care of themselves in a few ways.

It’s been fun to watch them experiment and get used to helping themselves (and each other) for short stretches of time. And twice, I’ve had the freedom to sit down and create with them. Giving them a little autonomy is giving me room to enjoy them and appreciate them more, instead of me simply bossing them around, or me feeling disappointed in the things they can’t seem to get right.

{my chevron design :)}

What is one area that you could let go of managing as a mother? Does your toddler want to choose her own outfits? Can your child make himself breakfast? Maybe you can think of one way to shift some power to that little person in your life this week. It may surprise you how good it is for both of you to see that he or she can really do it.