Thursday, May 19, 2011

Grace on a Thursday: in Heather's words

Meet Heather.

Wait. You already know Heather, I bet. And at least you know her because she just recently designed this lovely little blog. But if you don't know her beyond her amazing design skills and impeccable taste, you must know that she is also one of the most grounded people I've known. So kind, personable, gracious, and so generous in heart, how could I not invite her to write for this series? And what a heartfelt post she has written. It is already hitting me personally tonight, as I cut and paste this post together. Thank you, Heather. So much. You are a truly lovely woman.

Since losing my son Samuel in 2007, God has shown His grace to me time
and time again. God used my loss as a way to open my eyes to the world around me,
and through His love I was finally able to understand that there is no such thing as a small
act of kindness. Needless to say, I kinda thought I had this grace thing figured out.

I should have known better. 

Every time I think I understand something, God finds a way to shake things up
just enough to show me how little I really do know.  This time it came in
the form of a situation I never expected to be thrust into.  Someone that I
trusted betrayed me, and while the old me would have gotten angry and
confrontational, the new me understood that grace was required for this
situation.  The old me, the version that existed before my sweet son was
born, would have wanted to change minds and get my side of the story across.
 The new me, the version that God saved through His grace, knew that my
story didn't matter here and the best I could do was to allow space and offer
prayer for hearts to be changed.  I promise you, this makes it all sound
much easier than the reality of it was.  The old me kept trying to break
through to wreak havoc on the situation, which led me to became frustrated with
myself.  I kept thinking, shouldn't I of all people know better?
 I mean after all, I had lived under God's grace for so many days while my
heart was broken in two, so shouldn't I be able to offer His love to people
no matter what the situation?  I felt disappointed in myself and assumed
that God was disappointed in me too.  My mind stewed in this state for an
embarrassingly long time until I was finally, after too many weeks, able to sit
quietly and hear Him.  In that moment, just as He always does, He covered
me in His blanket of grace, calmed my mind, and whispered...

Grant yourself grace.

I can honestly say that it had never occurred to me, not even for a second, that
through this journey I should have granted myself some grace along
the way.  After hearing His words though, I knew what I had to do.
 And so I sat in the quiet, telling myself that it was okay that I was
having a difficult time walking this path.  I began to tell myself that I
will never get it right all the time, regardless of what God has shown me,
because I am a sinner.  I told myself that I deserved the same kind of
compassion that I would show to others.  Let me tell you, that was a
very hard sentence to say, but once I did, I felt so free. I realize that I
likely looked like a crazy person while I sat and talked to myself while
crying like a baby, but I don't mind.  Being able to finally grasp the
importance of putting myself on the grace list was a very special gift He gave
me that night. 

Thank you for letting me participate in this amazing series of yours Leslie.
It has seriously been an honor for me.   xoxo-Heather 


  1. Oh man... "I knew that my story didnt matter here and the best I could do was to offer space and offer prayer for hearts to be changed" I am SO THERE right now. Actually, its been 4 years walking this road and Ive often wondered if there will ever be reconciliation. Ive tried believe me. But its in His hands. I can do nothing more but pray now. Guess thats the point,right?:)
    Thanks for sharing Heather with us here Leslie:)

  2. This is simply lovely. What a tender Love He shows those who seek Him. What a gently leading of our hearts. We truly are safe wrapped in His arms. Beautiful.

  3. "shouldn't I of all people know better" is exactly what i wrestled with (and beat myself up over) *just this morning* before reading your beautiful post. God is teaching the same thing He taught you. and i'm so thankful for it. thank you for sharing, Heather, and be so transparent. this is just so right on!

  4. Your heart is so beautiful, Heather! Leslie... it is so nice to meet you!

  5. this is so beautiful. so full of truth and grace that triumphs over pain. thank you so much for sharing your heart, Heather. And what an incredible series, Leslie! God has to remind me often to give myself grace and I just love that sentence about our stories not mattering as much as learning how to give another person the same grace we've received!!!

  6. WOW. What a beautiful post, Heather. Thanks for sharing something the Lord has done in your life. It is such an encouragement to me!

  7. Heather's heart is so beyond my comprehension. Her grace is something to aspire to. She is a treasure to me. Beautiful.

  8. thank you for this series, leslie.
    thanks especially for inviting heather to share.
    such a blessing to me tonight.