Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Grace on a Thursday: in Katy's words

I'm so happy to host Katy's words today here. I love what she has to share. I can SOOO relate to her words, and I'm sure many of you will be able to also. In fact, her subject matter fits quite nicely into my current series and many thoughts about discipline and our reactions to our kids. Motherhood is so challenging and humbling, and gives us so many opportunities to learn about grace. Please show Katy some love for her transparency and brave testimony today about her journey as a mom.

Hello! My name is Katy and I blog over at Scottyboy and Katygirl where I blog about my journey as a wife to Scott and a mom to Miles (and baby girl coming soon!) and everything in between. I'm so honored that Leslie asked me to share today!

Before I became a mother, I had these preconceived notions about how my children would act in every circumstance. I remember judgmentally thinking in certain situations, "My kid will NEVER do that....." and then proceed to tell myself how I will go about it when something comes up in public. When Miles was younger - he is 20 months now - I really prided myself on how well he obeyed and listened to me, regardless if we were in public or in private. And I didn't mean to be prideful or come across as thinking I was better than anyone, but when I saw other mothers in stores and their kids weren't behaving, I was very naive and didn't quite understand how someone could allow their child to behave that way.

And then my kid got his little personality. And while I love every little inch of that boy, he sure keeps me on my toes every second of the day. When he turned a year and a half, he knew what he wanted in this world, and he stopped at nothing. I love it because he is determined and he is a thinker and a planner. But boy, some days it is TOUGH and I just wish there were books that would give me a step-by-step instruction guide of how to deal with every single circumstance. This pregnant mama is tired and struggling to keep up - and some days I feel defeated and discouraged.

About two weeks ago, we were in Target and we were finishing up and getting ready to pay. Miles had a bag of Valentine's candy in his hand and I knew it was going to be a struggle to get it back from him. I had my iPhone in one hand trying to figure out where we were going to meet Scotty for lunch, and with the other hand, I gently tried to take the bag of candy away so I could put it on the check stand. Every line was long; there were lots of people around, and Miles picked that moment to start screaming "NO!" with every ounce of energy he had inside of him. He would not hand over those Hershey's Kisses if his little life depended on it. And every firm, "Miles, listen to Mommy right now..." wasn't working. I was already humiliated and flustered...and just when I thought the situation couldn't get any worse, he grabbed my iPhone from my other hand and chucked it hard - as far as he could. Every eye was on me - and being that we were in public, I had to work hard to keep my composure and swallow my anger and pride. When I picked my phone up, the entire screen was shattered. My eyes were instantly filled with tears - not because my phone was broken, but because I was so embarrassed by my child's bad behavior. I paid as fast as I could and got the heck out of dodge.

The funny thing is that Miles is too little to even grasp what had just happened in the store. So by the time I made it outside, he had already forgotten what he had done. He had no concept anymore of what made Mommy so angry and embarrassed. He was more excited about all the birdies that were flying around to even care that my expensive cell phone was now ruined. Its not like I could discipline him; he truly had no idea what was going on. While I drove to meet my husband for lunch, I really had to pray about the state of my heart. What a huge humbling experience for so many ways. And what a huge lesson I had to learn on grace...on myself, on my child, and on other moms.  I can honestly say that I just never thought I'd be the mom at the checkout line with a screaming, disobedient child...and yet, there I was. I'm not sure there is much that I could have done to prevent it - but I know there is a lot that I can learn from it.

The next time we went into Target, I purposely chose to be a different person. I purposely chose to stop looking down on other moms who did things differently than me and started to look at them with the mindset that majority of us are just doing the best that we can. And when I got to the checkout line that day, another mom was having a really hard time with her daughter. Instead of inwardly rolling my eyes like I think I would have in the past, I just silently prayed that God would give her the grace to get through it. Because I am 100% certain that will be me again someday. And I'll need everyone else's grace to get me through that moment too. And I certainly need God's grace to make it through every minute of this parenting adventure. The minute I think I've finally got it figured the very minute that it starts all over again. Without God's grace, I am just no where. And I really pray that I can extend that very grace to others around me who desperately need it like I did in Target that day.


  1. What a great post! I can totally relate, I've often judged moms (especially in stores!) and I'm not even a mom yet. One day when I have child(ren), God-willing, I'll remember this post and thank God for grace.

  2. Way to go, Katy. I love your heart for truly desiring the Lord in those situations. You aren't alone and you are going to get through this stage.

  3. i love katy. i love her realness. great post! :)

  4. katy, thank you. praise jesus for target even! ;) oh, how i love you and am so encouraged by you.
    thanks for sharing, ladies!

  5. We were such great parents... before we had kids! I had to "fess up" to my sister in law for how judgmental I was when they had the first kids before the rest of us. With every kid, you learn that it really is hard and one discipline answer doesn't fit every family or even every kid in your own family. :)

  6. oh i have been there a thousand times. nothing prepares you to be a parent like life experience. great post katy.

  7. I wish I had been following along to Don't Make Me Count to 3 when it started last week. Anywho, I too was just like you. I would get so annoyed while shopping and seeing a child completely lose control and scream and cry. I did a similar roll of the eyes and thought to myself why can't that woman control her child?! Wow. Have things changed. I have a five year old and an 8 month old. Something that has really REALLY helped me is using Love and Logic. Have you heard of it? I am actually taking a class on it now, and I truly believe it is helping me to become a better parent. What I love about Love and Logic is that you can start using it when your child is still an infant. I get so frustrated when my five year old acts out and then I end up losing control which only adds to the problem. Love and Logic gives techniques on how to hold your child accountable for their actions. Since starting the class, I have been blogging about all of the different things I've learned...check it out. :)
    Good luck! xo

  8. been there too many times. i'm a recovering know-it-all/pharisee, and especially when it comes to parenting. thank God He made me NEED grace. it is because of His grace lavished on me that i have it to extend to others.