Monday, September 10, 2012

Back in the saddle and I'm already frustrated.



So today was day 4 of the new school year for us.

We had a rough morning. The kids are just not all that crazy about getting up super early and staying aboard the "let's get ready for school" boat. Once they are up, they are just struggling to stay on task, remember what to do next, be on time for breakfast, and the list goes on. If it weren't for an unexpected fire drill this morning at school, they would have both gotten tardy slips.

Did I mention that it is only the FOURTH day? I'd usually hang that fail on my own shoulders, but I was actually on time. I told them each thing to do, was giving them extra time warnings ("You have five more minutes to finish breakfast...") using a friendly voice, and keeping my cool.

They, on the other hand, were rolling around on the floor moaning, getting distracted by Legos, and complaining about EVERYTHING.

After school, it didn't change. Even though I was fully getting an A+ myself on providing a little rest time, yummy snack, attentive chit chat, and after school read aloud time (what we call "book club"), no one was then ready to jump back into the homework grind. Everyone complained about bath time. And everyone got consequences for repeated disobedience.

If it weren't for the school supplies part, back to school would be my least favorite, people. I will never understand these two categories of moms: 1) the ones who say, "I just loooooved being pregnant," and 2) the ones who say, "I just can't waaaaaait for fall."

I think I could be UNpregnant and it stay summertime the rest of my life and I'd be pretty happy.

I don't have a lot of profound revelations tonight on our current situation. I've tried everything known to mothers for getting the kids to follow the morning routine. Some of them have worked, some of the time. In general, half the time, the kids are right on and responsible, with time to spare in the morning and happy hearts. The other half the time, they're falling apart...one lost her lunch box, one refuses to brush his hair, and someone ends up crying. Sometimes it's me.

The mystery right now, though, that I can't seem to solve is how to teach my kids to be hard workers, whether it's getting ready or homework or chores. I'm at a loss as to how to teach them to do all things with diligence and a pursuit of excellence.

I'm finding it hard to communicate that I want them to try their hardest and give their responsibilities their best WITHOUT communicating, "Just try harder!" all the time. It's the difference between pushing them for the sake of pushing versus  inspiring them to be their best. My sincere heart for one always sounds like the other, I fear.

A morning checklist may help them walk through the steps of a routine, but it doesn't address the deeper matter. It doesn't help me inspire a strong work ethic. When it comes down to it, I can call the problem "disobedience" because I am asking them to do this or that, and they are not exactly fulfilling my commands in my timing. But this disobedience mainly occurs in the less pleasant work-related areas. I get it; work is much less fun than playing. But work is a part of life, and moreso as you grow up. Work and the increase in responsibilities with age is consistently a bitter pill for my kids to swallow, and I'm always talking to them about this issue. How often do I need to give the empathetic "That's life," speech? 

I'm frustrated, can you tell? Maybe it's just age and maturity related. Maybe I'm just expecting too much. I know what kinds of responses and efforts I want to see in them, and on occasion I see them, but I don't feel confident in how to grow that character quality of being a hard worker more permanently.

Do you ever deal with these issues, if you're a mom? Do you think there is more to it than our basic human inclination to be lazy? Is it a matter of self-control? Obedience? Gratitude, even, motivating them to take care of their things and their bodies?     


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20 comments:

  1. Oh my...are you looking in my windows or what?! :) Not only can I relate from a motherly aspect but also from the standpoint of a teacher!
    I have to remind myself that my kids have had basically no schedule all summer(and it does mess them up) to then slam them back with being in school all day,etc... Its alot of adjustment.
    But I also think it has to do with their ages. Im seeing the same thing in both my girls(2nd grade and 4th). We should start a support group. The lack of diligence gets on my nerves too:(

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    1. haha! wish i was close enough to peek in your windows! yes...this is all summer's fault, i think. there's always that period of detox needed. good to know i'm not alone :) love you.

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  2. My mom didn't mess around when getting ready for school! We had to shower, get dressed, make breakfast and our lunches before a certain time if we wanted the luxury of getting a ride to school or having to walk. There wasn't room for "waking up, playing or anything else"! Mom was in college to become a teacher and then became a teacher so there was even less time to get ready every morning and the alarm and getting up was totally our responsibility. Some days that included wearing what we didn't want or oacking a lunch of crackers and grapes but we learned our lessons.

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    1. i like that...."the LUXURY of getting a ride to school." sounds like you had a great mama! taking notes. :)

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  3. I appreciate your honesty + insight! Our little guy just started pre-k, and so far (1 day-ha!) I loved the routine. Both of my kids still need assistance getting ready, but it was so nice to have a reason to get dressed in the morning. Since its pre-k we will have thursdays at home, I'm looking forward to the downtime that day. I'm sure going 5 days in K will be a big adjustment!

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    1. oh how I love pre-K! yes, it's good to have some routine, isn't it? i also loved being able to go to MOPS when my kids were that age...such a saving grace to have one morning of breakfast and fellowship with other adults!

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  4. My mom used to do almost everything for us, like you and i think it sometimes got frustrating to her as well. Honestly the biggest lesson for your kids would be for you to not do anything and just lay in bed. When they wonder where you are and come looking for you..they will be shocked to see you in bed. Just tell them, when they are ready you can take them to school, but you are tired of helping them when they don't want to cooperate. They will be so shocked, and i bet they will hurry up quite a bit more. They will realize you're serious. I think my mom did it once and it sure scared me!

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    1. Good suggestions...I know, my mom did a lot for us too. I'm trying to do less and equip them more, but it's a struggle to know where to draw that line! Thanks for your input :)

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  5. We had a bit of a rough start this morning too. I just sent my husband a text with one daughter's name and an icon of fire next to it. For me, I'm trying to teach them that they have a choice in how they respond to the stress of coming to that routine and school day. (Just like I have a choice in how well I choose to react to their morning reactions and actions.) Did you read the "Jesus calling" for kids this morning - the secret to being happy is in the approach to the events. "Don't wait to be happy. Come to me and I will show you to be happy today." I don't want to be a person who just reacts to what is going on around me - someone that life just happens to. And I don't want that for my kids either. Incidentally we do have a chart where they work up with things they can choose to do. They have responsibility in if they want to do things toward greater rewards later. The stick is that if one kid chooses a lot of great things, they get to the reward earlier and then the other kid has to take responsibility for not choosing those things as much. "A good morning" is one of the choices and two of my three kids will get that this morning because the other chose to react to her tiredness and failure to finish a task last night... hmmmm... we'll make it through and so will our kids - and lessons will be learned - I'm sure of it! :)

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    1. Love it, Shel. Choices, that's what it's all about. I need to talk to them more about their morning attitudes being a choice. Thanks for that.

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  6. in my family, there were 6 kids, one with special needs + 2 step children. getting ready for school was something my mom didn't mess with. i can remember a time when my mom started putting the kid who couldn't get ready on tim to bed earlier and waking them up before everyone else to give them time to get ready. it happened to me a few times and i HATED it. it made me move a lot fast those days. her thought was if it was taking me so long to get ready, then she would give me extra time by waking earlier. but up earlier meant in bed earlier so i was having to sacrifice my time in the evenings and in the mornings. it really worked in our house...maybe that could be an option for you guys, too?

    p.s. so happy to be getting caught up on your blog...i always love reading your perspective!

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    1. kyle, i love that idea. my kids would hate being sent to bed early for lateness in the morning. i'm totally trying that, because it seems like more of a "natural" consequence...or at least a related one, versus taking away screen time or something arbitrary.

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  7. this is great, Leslie. love the honesty. I also love the idea of making them get to bed earlier if they are not able to get up and get moving in the morning. We have started a no tv rule for mon-thurs. on school days...it helps in the mornings and evenings and i am trying to teach them that tv watching is a privilege and not something they get to do whenever they want.
    my kids both get up early and easily-- they just always have and has nothing to do with me so we don't struggle with that, just the staying on task part.
    you will figure out what works best and get into a routine--- but in the mean time, i love the suggestion of staying in bed one morning!! : )

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    1. the kids don't watch too much TV, but it's not a rule yet. at least that takes one thing off the table in terms of distratctions. jealous that your kids wake up so early! im thinking my daughter, who used to be a total morning girl, is starting to be hormonal because she seems to be needing more sleep and struggling to be friendly before 8 am :)

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  8. I have no words of wisdom to bestow upon you....but thank you for being so honest. I was smiling as I read this and also breathing sighs of relief, thinking...oh I feel so normal! Thank you for sharing!

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  9. I totally feel you. We are not morning people so mornings are always difficult in our house. In fact, I am probably the worst! The hardest part of my day, though, is after school. Trying to get my 9-month old down for a nap, keep my 4-year old quiet and entertained and help my 10-year old with 5th grade homework and the trombone everyday while washing dishes and fixing dinner...it just seems impossible most days. I am so tired and strung out by the time my hubby comes home from work! All I keep telling myself is "This too shall pass..." I focus on the good days we have and remember some day I'll miss this. Even the wild, pull-your-hair-out kind of moments.

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  10. I don't know if this will help, but one thing to remember is that their brains literally can't do what we think they can, or what we think they should. Their brains are just simply not developed to be of such excellence. It is bound to be chaotic, and messy, and that's OK. As long as they are in process, which they are--and you keep seeking to have your way with them in the Lords way and in the light and goodness. They aren't machines, they will forget, and forget and forget. But that is what we are for , for constant encouragement. And at one point, you start setting boundaries, no "this" until "that". My daughter is almost 18, and she still needs to get her chores and homework done first!!! It's all a process in these 18 years, be gentle with yourself!!!

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  11. I think I tell my daughter these things a million times all morning: Go brush your teeth, Did you eat your cereal yet?, Get your shoes on, I need to do your hair, Stop goofing off in your room, Get ready first, then you can play, Get out of your brother's room... Sigh. I feel like SUCH a nag, I really try to limit how much I remind her to do everything. However, she would end up at school in her pajamas with tangled hair and bad breath! Maybe I should let that happen once....
    (Her 6 year old brother is far more responsible, sometimes already dressed with his hair done when I wake up. VERY hard not to compare) Thankfully, they both wake up very early.

    We struggle with a good work ethic too. They just want to play and do what they want to do. We've tried chore charts and I'm not very consistent. I've tried randomly assigning them chores when I feel like it, but I just end up doing things myself so I don't have to deal with the complaining. Sometimes I think we should move to a farm so they will be forced to learn how to work hard.
    I definitely think self-control and obedience are major concepts being practiced right now. Lord, help me to have the patience to see them to adulthood!

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  12. well, i havent read blogs in a while so i'm just now reading this, but there are some great comments with advise for you! i agree that the first choice is letting the "punishment fit the crime" (old fashioned :) by having early bedtime.
    and my thoughts on instilling a deeper ethic of respect and hard work is not to get caught up lecturing, but to be those things yourself.
    yikes, huh?

    so far, we have been able to be on time because i aggreed to bring the kids early so they could play at the playground together befroe the bell rings.
    since the boys don't have recess together and they are missing that this year, this idea was their suggestion....who knows how many weeks that set up will last though, right?

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  13. Just discovered you via a guest post at Casey W's. I am loving what you write, and I think it will be perfect for helping me develop some new habits this year (already picked out a scripture memorization notebook!).

    "I will never understand these two categories of moms: 1) the ones who say, "I just loooooved being pregnant," and 2) the ones who say, "I just can't waaaaaait for fall."

    Ditto. I miss my girl (who just started Kindergarten) soooo much! And the morning transitions have been very tough, even though her school doesn't start until 9:00.

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