In church this past weekend, our pastor talked about how if you're in relationships with other people long enough, someone - some well intentioned follower of Jesus- will most likely start to annoy you. Just because that's how relationships work. People are messy and imperfect. Feelings get hurt. Words get spoken that can't be taken back.
And then for the humbling part; he pointed out that I too am probably annoying someone. Maybe in my Bible Study, maybe in my peer group at the elementary school, and maybe in every circle I'm in. Maybe I'm annoying to someone, even though I'm a well-intentioned follower of Jesus. Maybe LOTS of people are annoyed by me!
Today, I realized that means I must be annoying in the blog world to some people too. Ugh. (Why can't we all just get along!?) Most certainly, some people have come across this blog and rolled their eyes. Some have probably followed for a while, and said, "Enough with that dramatic redhead. She's just so annoying!" I hate to face that fact; we all just want to be liked.
The nerve of people who don't like my blog! (Ok, well I sorta get it. I sometimes annoy myself.) But the point is that no matter how hard I try, I cannot and will never be all things to all people all the time. I cannot make everyone happy, be sensitive to everyone's feelings, and maintain a voice on my blog that speaks to every person. I just can't.
And that's okay. Grace today is what I'm giving myself, particularly in blogging. God has given me my particular blog "voice", human as it may be, for His good purposes. He has brought every person who needs something of what I have to offer to read those words, in His timing, and through His orchestration. So I don't need to reach every heart or worry about being completely unoffensive to every person. All I can do is obey God and use my imperfect voice which speaks from my imperfect perspective when and how He leads me.
Oh, and here's one other thing I can do: try to keep my eyes off my statistics. Checking my blog stats and focusing on my number of followers just entangles me. It steers my heart in the direction of wondering whether or not I'm likable, or effective, or have the "right" things to say. Those are all wrong directions.
I'm sure I've written things here that have turned people more off than on to God, even though my heart is for the opposite. I'm sure I've offended someone, and come across as an opinionated, self-righteous, narrow-minded American (funny how "American" is a little bit of a derogatory term these days). And I'm sure I've lost followers because of my own legitimately broken perspective.
Even on my very best blogging day, when I feel a strong sense of truth pressing through my typing fingers, I'm still human me, still going through my own process of transformation, still not there. Thankfully, grace is available to me every day until God is finished transforming me into His likeness, ending on the day I die. Sometimes I wish He would get on with the transforming business a little more quickly. But He's not in a hurry with me. He's patient with me, and so should I not be as patient with myself?
Tonight, I humbly line up a few more words, knowing that not everyone will chime with them or care. Someone may roll her eyes. That's okay. I blog as I learn to know Him and make Him known, for His kingdom, and for the sake of my children and grandchildren.
My words and my blog are not perfect, but they are covered with grace.